Strippers Say the Darndest Things!

A wraith sliding quickly, Against a background of darkness And spotlighted mayhem; Circling as a vulture Your prey in my grasp. With a "hello", the dance begins. A common occurrence in a Place of some ill repute, The beginning steps the same. Then, they rhythm changes You take me on a journey Of stars and ideals and wonder I join you in this quest, Willing participant to Philosophy in a place Of perpetuated perversion. Your eyes ask, "What are you doing here?" My actions respond, "Touche'". Your chair inches closer Captivated by my forethought Not by the usual finances. Sharing stories and ideas Our rhythm keeps you close Lost in who we are Not where we are A hawk glides in to Remind you that you have An offering to provide. "Go get your sacrifice," I say to you certainly. I will wait here. With a glance backward, A tender sadness crosses Your jaded visage. Fading into the shrouded chaos; A darkened Angel. Not one who fell to Earth, But one who takes this place Of sin and servitude And raises it to another plane; Another ideal; Another fantastic adventure.

As I Lay Me Down To Sleep......

      I went to a writing lecture tonight....  pretty cool stuff. It just led to me thinking more and more....... I'm forty years old and trying to get my life to take off. Life can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. When I was 18 and just barely pulling myself to a high school diploma; all that talk of a "future" was so meaningless. I was broken. I was depressed. I had a goal to be dead by 30. Nothing I did then would ever matter.

      Look at me now.

      I have fought and clawed to vecome a success DESPITE myself. Bad relationship; mental breakdown; depression; poor choices - nothing ever stopped me. Somehow; I STILL found a way to have a six figure income for a few years. Had an amazing son. Have the wife of my dreams.

      Now I have to do the work I didn't do then to become something better now.

      I'm going back to school to get a degree. To matter (in the eyes of employers). I'm going to write a book. No matter ho succesful (or not) the book is; it will be like my love letter to yesterday. A sign that all those decisions DID matter - I could have made a much easier life for myself. I'm going to probably struggle through two years of semi-employment to get my degree; ready to take off once I attain it.

      IT's not always that easy.

      Mine is not a story we haven't all heard (or lived) before. I'm not regaling you with any deep philosophical bent we haven't all heard or read before. i'm just another guy who didn't do it early and is now trying to make it up on the back end. I hope I can succeed. I hope I have a path that leads to salvation - to a final sense of purpose and belonging. I want to be someone people are proud of for what they accomplished; not happy to know just because they are silly. I want to have a resume that FORCES an employer to call and learn more.

       I want to be a man my wife is proud to call heusband.

       The trail begins.....