It's a BIRD! It's a PLANE!!! (No, Really, She's Not Flying Cross Country on a Bird)

     The time is here everybody!!! The holidays are officially in full swing - one more work day until the flood family arrives at our doorsteps looking for Turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce! Time to relax in front of a game of football with pumpkin on our face and tryptophan in our eyelids. Over the wekend, the Christmas trees (traditionally) would start appearing, dieting plans will be disappearing and traffic will be a madhouse! For some of us, snow has brought you the beginnings of a "White Christmas" - if not exactly yuletide cheer. A time of thanks, of commune, of giving.

     What are YOU thankful for this year?

     As we head toward the feast, my wife and I have our sis coming out from Florida! When last we all inhabited the same space; two of us were getting married, there was a former boyfriend in the mix, much laughter filled our home, many great smells ranging from pancakes to chili absorbed into the walls and there was, of course, the "nananananana Pot Car!" Every time we all come togeterh, great memories are made and the hope for a new day burns anew. It will be great to have KK home. Not her birth home or her living day to day home - home is where we all become family. Our home is her home too! In addition to a SCRUMPTOUS undertaking for Thanksgiving day, the wife and I have a little surprise for sis on Friday!! I got outvoted on my plans for "lego day", but what the wife found was every bit as impressive (if not quite as creative! Legos RULE!) Love is the gift that keeps on giving...... no matter the source, as long as it's true and it's accepted. I will miss my brother, but family will be in full swing here in the CITY!! (Something about a heart and San Francisco. I don't know, look it up!!)

     Cool development of the day: I'm getting a volunteer gig to help out with a magazine. With all of my aspirations about writing and creating, I figure this is a fantastic opportunity! As has often been the case lately, I stumbled upon this opportunity by sheer coincidence while online today. Whether you want to label it God or karma or kismet or dumb luck; things have been seeming to come at the most opportune time as of late. Opportunity is knocking; I keep opening the door to let him in. (How many doors does my mythical house HAVE??) I am excited by the prospect of helping this magazine get ahead; and that I can tag along for the ride. Some might mention the absolute lack of funds (which is a definite consideration), but the experience (and knowledge of another marketable skill) made this too tempting to pass up. So I decided not to. :)

     At the end of the day, all of these attempts may amount to nothing. I might not have an interesting enough story to tell. The enjoyment comes from the doing. Each of these moments is exciting; another piece of the puzzle I am trying to see if I can make the picture that I see on the box. I never know what the result of all this might be, but I keep doing things becuase THAT is what life is. There are a million cliches about how nothing is certain; but what IS certain is that if I keep trying new ideas and doing new things and learning new skills; I will continue to grow and change and become. My life is not a board game that has a beginning and an end; that with just the right roll of the dice or drawing of a card I will acheive my perceived goal. The acheivement comes from changing into something else. Learning that my way today could be even better tomorrow. Accepting that being content to sit back and just exist is not a life worth my esteem.

      I will be different tomorrow because I want to! Bring me the stuffing! Show me the essay! grant me access to help and grow and be.

      Happy holidays to you all. May love and gravy fill your hearts and veins (respectively)!

Evolution of a Free Spirit

      As I sat on the couch with my wife today, talking to my college counselor, a light spark traveled from my ear to the base of my skull, down to my chest. I am at the crux of the life I refused to claim for so long. WIth the words, "You are enrolled....", I could see a horizon with new adventures and new beginnings for this old man. 

      Growing up, it had always frustrated me to watch a society - with schools, peers, parents and media - that pushed us all to find a way to fit into the same mold. Personalities forsaken; desires extinguished; skill sets forsaken. In order to become a meaningful participant in society; you were tasked with getting good grades in school, immediately moving into college and more learning, and moved right out into the world as cattle #54689. I didn't want that for myself. Success in my mind was not predicated on getting "the" job or making the most money. My heros were not based on their power or financial status; my heros were gleaned from those society viewed as different - those who had chose to stand for their own unique brand and personality. I spent many lonely hours getting to the core of who I am as a human being in order to best identify what I was and what I could give to the world - not what I needed to be in order to fill my "spot". In that vein, I have not changed. I place my worth to people on the good I can do more than the money I can make - and I still admire those who dare to be different.

      However, as the old saying goes - "Money talks; bullshit walks." As I inched into adulthood with the prospects of a family, it was obvious I would have to get finances from SOMEWHERE. With that fact in mind, I insisted on taking menial jobs - my diploma only allowed me certain access that everyone around me thought my "intelligence" should exceed. To my mind, I wasn't going to be another "sellout" - a college educated, smarmy egotist wearing my tie to work to be just another cog in the corporate machine. Sure, I needed to feed my family (and barter is no longer a viable option in modern America), but I was going to do it in a job as the common man! By the dirt on my hands and sweat on my brow; I would show that I earned my money through my toil and perseverance. I was still allowed to be me; as long as I stocked the shelves. I worked to work; and in turn got paid - but the work was the goal.

     It's funny how life begins to lead us when we refuse its gentle urgings. Fate. God's Will. Opportunity. Call it what you will, but it definitely shows through. If you choose to ignore the gifts; at some point you are looking to be the victim. Or have a pronounced fear of success. So, from an ad in the paper I land a technical job with one of the major companies in industry. I am asked to wear collared shirts and take on additional duties. Eventually, I am in a place of leadership with others who look to me for guidance. With a TIE. Over and over throughout the years; whatever it is that I am as a person has escalated me to greater and grander heights. It's easy to preach the gospel of "not selling out" when you are speaking in hushed tones to the mirror. When I became a sounding board for others; I didn't see the fairness in counseling them down from their dream of "joining the machine". They had a right to their definition of success - just as I had mine. In fact, as I progressed through the years and realized how much more difficult my lack of learning had made things; I began to wonder if there was another way for me to encapsulate success as well.

      Age isn't always wisdom; but with age I came to realize I could place myself into the machine and still maintain my self in the process. I have come to the epiphany that making a stand doesn't define you as an individual - it's the way you treat those around you; your ability to adapt and overcome life's question; the way you are true to your SELF while also fitting in with the numerous personalities and experiences that our peers present. Being an orginal is my definition - telling off color jokes in "power meetings"; finding the inspiration for books in the most interesting places; being willing to make decisions "on the fly" and stand by the outcome - no matter the ultimate conclusion. I define mysef very clearly in my words and deeds - this much is very apparent. Can everybody? I don't know. It takes a true sense of self to just be "in the moment" and always feel like the time is appropriately yours - a testament to your innocence. With my last career step, I was able to climb to heights that a younger me could never have fathomed - and an older me sees as the crossroads of a career that has run on talent alone.

      As with many of life cycles, I am shedding my old "skin" of expectations and assumptions; finally becoming the last of my childhood boogeymen. I will be a college student in the coming days - not to make more money or gain a better title; but because I feel I can make a better place of this world. I have realized in growing older that life is all about legacy - what are future generations going to remember about me? Did I do my best to leave my own novel that would be worth writing? With every smile, every kiss, every "I love you"; my personal legacy is more grandiose and illuminating. Now I want to expand my influence - I want to make a difference that is felt on more than just a limited local level. I want to develop or change or speak for an ideal that will make everyone feel better that I existed at all. Truly, I am - and that is the wonder. Whether I write the book that changes percetions; or acquire a degree and use it to better someone's day; or I just continue to proclaim to everyone I meet that what is in them is a many splendored thing - I will become. 

     Won't you join me?