My Last Will and Test Of Man

 While not legally binding, it is certainly emotionally so:

To my wife, I love my undying impassioned thankfulness. If ever sadness should stop by, take any random moment - from front step forevers to subtle surprise silliness in so many forms. Leave my body behind, for now my self travels at your hip in essence.

To my boy, I leave the world - as best I could unravel it for you. Only remember what I have said, as you get older it will unveil its current mysteries to you. There are so easy lessons only time can explain. Beyond all, be the person you were meant to be, but understand the world does not owe you to concern itself or agree with your combinations.

To my friends, I leave devotion that has not passed (though I may have). I hope your moments with me were complete and full - all I ever sought was to make my presence make a difference. Deep conversations or midnight runs to wal-mart; for that moment I hope there was nowhere you'd rather be.

To those who knew me in passing, I can only assume I left you something. For just a moment, I showed you who I was - and then you were able to take that with you. If you only gave the experience one more thought than it required, then it was worthwhile.

To the world, I leave my words. Hope, overcoming, becoming, rationality. In a lifetime of civility, I have watched so many of these things ripped from our vocabulary - perverted into catchphrases and sarcasms. I will cheer from the sidelines that the equality that comes from Logic will find its way into the futures yet found.

To myself, I give the thanks of knowing I did all I could with this form. I encountered the efficacy of eternity, I remained true to experiencing as many different things as I could, I found the self-respect to have the strength to stay true to my word, and I loved - many ways and many days. I have no regrets. 

Don't Stare At It Too Hard

The morning sky hangs damp, heavy and gray...

     It is a desire many of us have - the desire to watch a young life form before us. It burns within us, the sight of a giggling baby is enough to make us covet in a way unhealthy. A void created where none was needed; a new trophy that morphed into a purpose. Craving ensue.

When the spectacular sunlight serates the sullen sky...

      Then you have one - a son or daughter; nephew or niece; best friends baby or a neighbor. You warmest this little creature that was once so limited sprouting into greater tomorrow's: milestones mounted; logical lessons and the hope of honor. Like any of our creations, we subconsciously plant a sliver of us into them in an attempt to relive our youth. Make things better this time.

When once more the mists rise to provide a depressant...

     But it can be so hard. If child rearing was the stock market, we would never escape our Great Depression. For every eventual success, there are a thousand time of frustration and fear that seep into the joists of your mind. What if he never learns to hold a fork? Did my parents tell me how to open a soda can a thousand times? In watching them grow, we step back every time and feel a little of how they are feeling staring at this dominant figure in the sky.

And yet, the light shines through in the lavender light display...

     Every victory is compared against your own milestones. You just pray every night that you can shove enough knowledge into them that they are thrust upon the world equipped.just once before you die, you want them to look at you and say, "I see why you taught me not to lie. I'm happy. Thank you for raising me.

The night falls, and things that are now gone still linger and are not forgotten...

How Can I Love You More?

I've given you everything I have to offer

My personality; my adoration; my honesty

You've promised me your nineties

In return for my unwavering commitment

We all have ghosts in the emotional machine

But the point of coupling is in a "couple".

I've left my dark in the distant abyss

Shown you my flaws and my shortcomings

In my own search for your eternal companionship.

The hardest part of discovering a dream

Is the devastation left in its chaotic chasm.

I'm not a base societal machination

Taught how to push the buttons for success

I am a defunct automaton of avarice

Who found in you a land where I could revive

Loving without shame and remorse

A festive pinnacle of individuality unchained.

Turn away from the norms of 'civility'

And join me in the path least traveled -

Love me without regard or regret.

I will hand you a butterfly from within

A sentient sunbeam of my intentions.

I can't love you any more than I do in action

So please do whatever it takes to meet me at the end.

The Alpha and the Omega

     He's nine ears old, but I still have to look in on him each night. The day he was born, I understood what it meant to give myself over to someone, much like the Knights long passed. As I held him in my arms at 6:15 in the morning after three hours sleep, I could only whisper, "I will do anything to give you a better life than I've had." His coos met with misty memories. A creation well made.

     She's two years my wife, but I still kiss her when I crawl in beside her each night. The day we got to know one another, I was ready to give myself to this woman, much like... (You know - date stuff!) As I held her in my arms (to her surprise), I could only tell her, "I will not betray you - this was more than friends". Her visage causing blurred vision. A wife well met.

Caught In A Sigh...

There are moments,

Moments I stand back

And revel at you.

You, who was waiting

When I found it to

Land in your yard.

It's those subtle slivers

That show thoughtfulness

Considering the absurd

And giggling with me.

A light of passage

That allowed me to

Become the 80's 

Song reference machine

I was always meant to be.

Once upon a rhyme,

A sad day was the norm -

But our infusion

Brought about 

Delicious delights,

A changing landscape,

And a simple rhythm.

Dance with me 

Into this thing called "wife"

And I promise to be yours

Forever.

I Believe I Just Got Served

     There's nothing wrong with being able to "leave a tender moment alone" as Billy Joel once said. It's hard - wanting to take an epic encounter and raising it higher. It's so much more warmly expansive to gestate in the essence of what has been said. Screaming in its vast void - "I'm in the exact same place." Humility marinates where arrogance misses the point.

       Just be quiet and hear the voice of an angel.

Last Rights

Drifting off to sleep with our song humming low... Marble arches, victory marches and you. Melancholy melody motivates memories meant to mesmerize and maintain. Your arrival us but a day away.

Good night, my love.

What Can I Say?

They say to write about your passion

What is my passion?

My passion is you.

You, who brings me feelings

Feelings beyond what I thought possible.

How can I hope to describe

The things which spur my haste

Using the words we all use everyday?

In a world of, "I love burritos"

I dare not compare.

The shining light of your love

Carrying me to dizzying heights

Granting me access to a world

So very few are able to inhabit.

A place where 

We need not grant freedoms,

Where understanding is freedom.

How will I ever concert these thoughts

Into a new turn of phrase all you own?

If I happen upon the appropriate muse

Only Shakespeare will speak more eloquently

Than I.

But I Like Rocky Road!

     The truth about relationship sex over time is that it's rather vanilla, unless sex is all the relationship is based on. Over the years, gone are the week-long sex fests; the hours long lovemaking that neither your stamina nor your creativity can keep up with; the tension of the choice and new interaction.With all of that said, that's the undeniable beauty of sex over time. 2 hour long lovemaking is to make sure that every move is used to show our ability (to peacock), while years later all of the events have been condensed down to all the best parts; like cutting a film for production. Emotions add to the steam train in the beginning - a furious fire to fornicate without remorse. As things go along, the more tender side of emotions set forth, with even the act itself can seem otherworldly - a charge of static to the spine (and loins, of course). Your partner learns your most sincere likes and dislikes - no more baring with scraping to get to the next level. There is a satisfying oneness in a quick fling that pumps the ego and reinvigorates us (to find a mate). Years later, it is a dance of subtelties, innuendos and approraite actions taken. A soothing, gentle ride that brings peace to your mind and a song to your heart. The chase has it wonder, but long term satisfaction can only be provided by a long term commitment.

Happily Ever After

How hard is happy?

Meeting multiple matches

Left longing for love.

Seeking simple sentences,

Illustrating inquisitive invites.

Which wisdom will worry:

The opaque outcome ongoing

Or desire to determine desire?

Taming the torrential tides

Regulating response to rumination

Allowing aspirations all arenas.

Puzzling potential partners,

Considering commitments and care,

Fear of forgotten foils finality.

Breathe beside your beau

Everyone experiences emptiness

Never for nothing; new names.

Qualities quietly qualified

Working within walls of want

Gathering gifts of generosity

Ultimately uniting universally

Knowing the kamikaze kiss

Attained after admitting to always.

Because You're Beautiful?

Loving you, is easy because....

No, loving you is not easy. 

Easy lets you rest on you laurels;

Allows you the gentle comfort

Of a given, absolute truth.

Loving you is difficult

Because of the time

I put on for our dates 

And all the moments 

I neglect a juicy burger

For a grilled chicken 

(with cheese!).

Loving you can be taxing

When the time comes 

To clean the house or 

Cook when I only wish

To release my eyes from

Their Herculean burden.

Loving you is taking

Time away from the game

To arrange a "date day"

Throughout the City park

(game alerts allowed).

Loving you is effort because

It is in all these ways

That love can gain its

Deepest (basic) meaning:

You are worth all the effort it takes

To please you and offer you the knowledge

That I will always be ready to come through for you

No matter how hard times erode, I will find it from within

To stand up

Take your hand

Look you in the eye

As I assist your rise to your feet

Smiling to say, "Look at all the fun!

Come play with me and do it once more!"

Loving you is what makes me.

Take my hand.

Gleaming

You never imagined me

Yet here I am at your door

Hands resting upon the floor.

I'm not asking for your obedience

Or looking for novel way to kill time;

I want to start a tale with you

That ends only when I do.

Void of life's venomous creek

Let us find happiness together

Let us seek solace 

Within our home

Let us discover comfort

In a night's subtle embrace.

It's not that I need someone -

It's simply that I need you.

Many people have driven

Sadness from the core

Of my eternal being,

But the majesty of your

Hair gleaming in sunlight

Is one of my great wonders.

The gentle pattern of your sleeping

Is more soothing than any

Beast has fallen to before.

Thus she spoke:

"What of my faults? What if I hurt you?

What if I cannot give you enough

To stay?"

I will grab your hand in my own

And run forth into life's expanse,

To leave our every moment

Exhausted and exceptional.

We will have trials in its time

From the external and internal,

But I could never be better off

Without you occupying my space.

I could never truly smile

Without having you to look forward to.

I could never truly live my life

Without you as my darling wife.

Smiles are Love's Currency

     When we are disagreeing, I am not obsessed with (or even arguing for) being right. I am fighting to be understood - what i say makes you feel my discomfort. I am "right" inasmuch as I am speaking to you from my perspective of the occurence. I only want you to hear that I am uncomfortable with our emotional void, and I want to get back to "happily ever after" as soon as possible.

Loving in the Real World

Come with me on this quest

Take my arm and let us begin.

You are the companion that

I have waited a lifetime to find,

The calling  and the commitment

That I have tried too many times.

I speak to you with fairy tales,

But let's root our expectations

In the realities of what is to come.

There will be times when I falter,

And disappointment and hurt

Will be your shrouded comrades.

Even with you to return to,

I will darken the door

Some days with a dark demeanor.

With giving my greatest effort,

I will act in a way that leaves you

Uncomfortable or without content.

I will not always remember

To use my best manners or

Tell you often enough how 

Much your presences so needed,

Due to no ill attitude from me.

There will be times when I am tired

Or anxious

Or sad,

Just as I will ask things of you

Even when you aren't prepared

To meet my needs or desire.

The reality is that coupling 

Is a time test of endurance: 

Existing well beyond the

Initial euphoria of love anew.

Be prepared for all the things

We will be asked to overcome

Before you respond to my offer

To spend the rest of my life.

If you are willing to be party

What I can promise you

Without any doubt or hesitation

Is that none will love you

More than I am capable of

And no one will try harder

To make life as wonderful to you

As you are to me.

Universal (De)Lights

The sun blooms once again

On the far horizon,

An inconsistent constant:

The concept of the star

Remains the same

But the reality is

That it is ever changing.

The true standard bearer

Of my continued existence

Rests gently upon my chest.

The sighed echoes of content

Tickle my skin and psyche.

A gift given to me in love

Unassuming, unimaginable,

Indescribable.

The center of the known

Universe may well be the sun,

But the only supernova

In my creation comes

In the form simply of

A gift of you.

Good Night

I just wanted to thank you 

For the laughs we share time after time

And have committed to doing for life.

The music we have experienced in unison

On its own would fill many people's

Pleasure centers for all they could imagine.

I'm not able to impress upon you

How much our time together

Flows through my mind for days before.

Your every accidental touch

Bristles me inside with anticipation;

Each time you caress my back,

My inner angst settles in my chest;

The times you hold my arm and look to me

The world is calm; the breath in my chest.

When I look into the coming sharing

And contemplate the forces at work,

A tsunami of sanctity rests upon my hope

Of the wonders we have left to discover

And the mark on existence we will leave.

Grab my hand and let's sprint forward

Whatever awaits us will be magnificent

With you on my arm and in my heart.

Appreciation not Addiction

Excuse me, but would you happen to know

What event it is?

So caught up in recording the outcome

That you fail to notice what is right

Inside of your person.

Talk to me about riddles and limmericks

While presenting me only freeze tag.

If I make a move, the trust

From the occurence will be broken,

But to stay frozen means taxing

And bored existence behind

The guise of congress.

I am not here to like you,

I am here to work with you

And create our castle of caring

That glides into the eternal.

How did we get here and now?

What knowing thoughts

Were left trampled underheart?

What subtle clues were swept away

Under the fault of knowing when.

My goal is to love

The idea is to be loved

The sense is to be patient

While the heart is to be had.

Our organic interchange anew,

A lifetime of thoughts washed clean. 

Take my hand and risk with me

To play and pet and perform,

My dreams are fused to you -

As orange and rust to Fall's bloom;

My nights given to you

By a kiss to close the door

And a nuzzle to open the calm.

My ego seeks to give the world to you,

But I am man and capable of

Only 'Man' level things.

So If I can, I would like to

Give you a home to set your heart in;

A sanctum derived in 

The confines of my chest;

A staduim full of cheer echoing

In your ears and eyes;

A vault full of promises

That I will do all I can to complete.

If you give me your promise

I will give you my self.

The red sun rises in the East

Signaling a new era has arisen

The colors reflection visible

On the river in my eye.

 

It's High Time I Wrote something Else

Love is a form of man's expression

So is it a surpise to learn

That the artists were high?

Filled with the dazzling sprarkle

Of man's inner booming voice,

A driving momentum

That propels them forward

Into the spotlight of the starshine.

When you are with me,

I can feel the air on my skin,

The breeze tickling my neck,

My breath upon my lip.

My eyes become filled with you,

While also being aware of 

Any advance that coud shatter

Our silent conspiracy of coupleness.

My muscles move me forward,

Ever hoping of some touch of you.

My body cries out to to grasp you,

Marveling at the gentle warmths

Of a shared love space intended.

My mind riddles me,

"What is she thinking right now?"

Coaxing,

"All the signs say she is locked in,

But I don't want to annoy or

Pain you for any longer."

Mocking,

"What stupid thing did we do this time?"

It is in these quiet commitments

A moment shared, never to be forgotten

Increase my desire to say all the things

That I want you to know and feel.

Wishing that I could implant

My feeling of right now into you.

A lifetime of love, a slice of forever,

A step into the other inside.

Art is everlasting, as my love for you (artistically)

I declare my essence yours to share-

From the Phoenix of Eterninty,

A gentle wing vibrates the events of time forth

The Humminbird de Corazon.

A Concert of calm in a furious beating.

The greatest compliment I can conjure

Is that the currency that is my experiences

The cost of a consequence frozen in my time?

I have handed you the value that is my 

Lasting memory, to be used at your discretion.

This exchange rate is variable, however,

So one best not sit back on their laurels,

Lest they lose the passion to apathy.

The greatest sins

Are to lose the Treasure Chest of creativity

Due to lackadaisical, uninspired works,

And to deplete the inclination of a potential

Spiritmaker due to the lack 

Of ambition or courage.

When you find the key to the next room

In the evolution of our existence

That sparks toward self-actualization,

And the ability to comprehend a universe-

The owner taking the Celestial Internal

And offering it to another in 

An exchange of understanding.

You are my every divergent daydream;

A capsule of my tender times;

The geyser of gratitude that 

Pushes me into consideration of

How much difference an "okay" makes.

To always prod me to recall just

How much a peaceful look from you

Would be more than any 

Pleasure I had ever conceptualized.

Wash over me; consume me

Your every atom a gift to life.

Water upon my cheek,

My throat choked at how

Idealistic and complete;

My mind collapses under the

Mere images of you. 

My art is in my love for you

Painted with the colors of my soul.

Sharing my life with you

Is more abstract and divine

Than those mountain majesties.

Thank you for your gift of you....

I am afraid all I have to offer is me.

However, I grow with any interest paid,

And can become the Van Gogh

That Van Gogh once was.

Don't ever let it go.

With Apologies to 1993

     What is love? If I Had a way to describe it, I would say it's what is right, and what is wrong (give me a sign). *Grin*  Love is one of the most mystical of conversations that is argued about with great passion and gusto by many (for good reason). However, this is one of those things that people seek so long, desire so bad, that there is as much chance of achieving it successfully as there is finding a perverse offshoot that has nothing in common with the concept or to never finding it all.

     When people chase and fixate on a passion, they can find ways to suit their desire to appear as moments of circumstance. Chasing skirts. Falling for anyone who pays attention. Fantasy. There are those who take any chance to to pair off, even when it causes them to change who they are and settle for what they feel they should want, as opposed to what they truly desire. Even still, some cross the line into illegal pursuits of fancy and their whims take on a much darker meaning.

     Then there are those folks who are looking for a particular set of traits that the (perfect) mate possesses. By making a specific model, these people are left wanting and let many opportunities at happiness slip by for minor variances. While not setting an idea can lead to settling for an unsuitable partner, having to fine a set of details leads to a near impossibility of finding a person with all of the attributes. For some, it appears better to be alone than to accept anything other than Prince Charming. 

"I define love thus: The will to extend one's selloff the purpose

of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

- M. Scott Peck

      The joys of love are many, and the thoughts of the many are of sharing life with a partner in joy and peace. As such, life (and love) gain there power from the power of possibility. It is only from keeping an open mind and self awareness that true love can be uncovered and grown in to. In defining love as happiness and a need of another, then no set of rules can prepare you for the eventuality of where love will inspire you. What you will find is that your answers will be intuitive, as opposed to logical. You will feel the arrival of your loved one, which is why often we recognize what our heart has known for some time. The heart knows what the mind eventually discovers.

      If we are just aware and accept what we sense.

For Better? Simple.

     "For better or for worse" is one of those phrases that is iconic in society, but often is mentioned in pessimism and some disdain. "For worse" doesn't mean that things have gone sour between yourself and your love, it often just means someone is having a bad day and needs understanding. In my experience, there are a few ways you can help when your love is upset:

      Start by listening. Every day, a nation of spouses come home and tell the trails of their day; an interchange of release and discussion filling the air. However, on those really dark days, fight the urge to pontificate and just settle in and listen. In these moments, I find all I can say is "I love you," and "I don't know what to say but I understand." Nothing in this line of thought can heal, but in listening I hope to relieve the pressure in her heart and allow her to clear her mind. This is no small feat, especially for men. I'm not great at this, admittedly. My first instinct it to protect and correct the situation with advice. In doing so, I am not actively listening and causing her to think when she seeks to emote.

      Recognize when you are not the answer. There are going to be certain times when our significant others need another voice, when we have said all that we can say on a topic. Furthermore, if our spouse has taken the time and energy to develop a deep, meaningful relationship, then that other person can offer our spouse additional insight that we may be too emotionally biased to conceptualize. I am in no way threatened by my wife seeking an additional opinion in her life's travels. I don't know everything about ANYTHING; even my wife. If I want to talk video games, I call my best friend. Why should her interests run any different?

      Accept that others are not like you, but every one has common ideals on how they would like to be treated. I am an individual in a world of unique personalities, so how I think, feel or act in a given situation can be shared as my ideal, not fact. I cannot judge another persons actions through my viewfinder, as they have their own insights. However, when I choose my response to a given story, I can relate from how I would like to be treated when I am in a funk. Who doesn't like a kind word, a gentle hug (or a stiff drink!)? Can I really go wrong serving dinner and giving a massage? Sending a gentle text with inspirational quotes? Telling bad jokes? Who wouldn't appreciate that?

      Learn when you've done enough, but (s)he just needs time and space. This goes with the first ideal, but it's on the back end of the experience. This is another one I am still working on improving, as I have a hard time watching those I love be unhappy. My wife and I have agreed that if she wants to head to another room for personal time, I will respect her wishes and not follow; in return, she will come back to me when she finds her "center" once more. There are things we all experience that are more than the typical annoyances, and there are moments when we need to vent, refocus on our happiness (alone) and then come back from the woods. A modern day "voyage quest" to work through our angst; as it were. I have had to learn that this isn't my love turning away from comfort, rather, she is breaking the thought cycle and "letting go". A distinction in my mindset, not a difference of action.

     The commitment required to have a great relationship is the humility required to be a great partner. Doing for others is the ultimate panacea for helping our own ills - especially within a relationship. For those aspiring to love, be the person you would fall for. For those in love, don't lose the appreciation and wonder that love inhabits. Don't lose the fact that you have found a gift many search a lifetime for. Relationships can make us better people, in a healthy, loving environment. If given the opportunity to grow, everything one could ask may be found within the confines of a loving marriage. "For Worse" is remembering to be half of a whole...