Because You're Beautiful?

Loving you, is easy because....

No, loving you is not easy. 

Easy lets you rest on you laurels;

Allows you the gentle comfort

Of a given, absolute truth.

Loving you is difficult

Because of the time

I put on for our dates 

And all the moments 

I neglect a juicy burger

For a grilled chicken 

(with cheese!).

Loving you can be taxing

When the time comes 

To clean the house or 

Cook when I only wish

To release my eyes from

Their Herculean burden.

Loving you is taking

Time away from the game

To arrange a "date day"

Throughout the City park

(game alerts allowed).

Loving you is effort because

It is in all these ways

That love can gain its

Deepest (basic) meaning:

You are worth all the effort it takes

To please you and offer you the knowledge

That I will always be ready to come through for you

No matter how hard times erode, I will find it from within

To stand up

Take your hand

Look you in the eye

As I assist your rise to your feet

Smiling to say, "Look at all the fun!

Come play with me and do it once more!"

Loving you is what makes me.

Take my hand.

Don't Ask Me....

      When doing a thing has all the markings of being detrimental, it doesn't make sense to do so. In this way, not making sense itself makes sense. However, the compound of intelligence and impulse creates a pained idea that this thing can be done, i just have to come at it from the right angle. With desire thrown into the mix, it makes an unbearable fixation that must eventually be fed or replaced over time. I'm not very good at the "it's not meant to be" - like many before me I want a cake and a snack, but unlike others, my mind can't accept this fact and move on. Instead, I mentally keep nibbling at the edges of the cake until there is none left, and then I regret it leaving.

      I am always in some state of this mindset, but for the past few days it has been a matter of "should I stay or should I go now" (or next year, to be more precise). I found a job that I felt suited me well, but over the first five months, blemishes and frustrations have appeared (as they are wont to do) that have left me dreaming of a time past. Like that one ex that many feel "got away", time has left me with a much more understanding and positive image of my last career. While there were many good points, the negatives still lurk on the edges of my psyche.

      Do I stay where I am, making less money, but home every night? Do I take back to the road, leaving a "stable job" (the former "American Dream") to find more money (and many less weeks of work) to dedicate to school and my time at home? Which path leads to a more prominent future? What will stress my family more? Where does my desire fit in? My friends?

      A "normal" life?