What Can I Say?

They say to write about your passion

What is my passion?

My passion is you.

You, who brings me feelings

Feelings beyond what I thought possible.

How can I hope to describe

The things which spur my haste

Using the words we all use everyday?

In a world of, "I love burritos"

I dare not compare.

The shining light of your love

Carrying me to dizzying heights

Granting me access to a world

So very few are able to inhabit.

A place where 

We need not grant freedoms,

Where understanding is freedom.

How will I ever concert these thoughts

Into a new turn of phrase all you own?

If I happen upon the appropriate muse

Only Shakespeare will speak more eloquently

Than I.

The Dark Side of Desire

       Feeling particularly loser-y today. Part of that is a natural byproduct of what I have for a mental baseline; but part of it is dissatisfaction with my status in a number of things. After all these years, all I ever wanted was to find love and true happiness - now I've done that and the other parts of life have my undivided attention - and my displeasure. I don't know what it will take to finally be at peace with my place in the world; I'm not sure that it's even possible as a person with bipolar.

     A crazy can dream, can't he?

     I'm vexed about my blog. When I undertook this endeavor 4 years ago, it was at the behest of my therapist at the time who felt I needed an outlet - and an outlet I have acheived. As I have continued on, I have wanted this blog to be a voice - that cry in the night I never had that helped people to think and reason and someone (something?) to let me know I wasn't alone. I Don't feel I have acheived that, and I begin to doubt myself...... Is the name too macabre? (A wonderful pun, certainly - but something that will be read by those in need?) Is the content too broad? Am I not nearly as interesting or lyrical as I imagine myself? Do I not post often enough? When I do post, do I write too much? The slow poison of truth is that when you desire to reach an audience outside of yourself; it becomes a matter of finding a formula that works and then trying to excel. I have always sought to help those in need; I have always wanted to be the person everyone thought could help.... but am I?

      I'm nervous about my education. I kick myself for not undertaking this endeavor as a young man; when my energy was limitless, my learning style was still fresh and my experience was limited and I didn't think so far into things. It is what it is. Now I am in class and the time demands (and dealing with people who don't seem to be engaged) is draining and unsettling. It also frustrates me that it makes me feel this way.... normal people don't worry about it and keep moving forward - they tell everyone at cocktail parties how they worked two jobs and took night classes to become the top of their craft. I don't have that in me.... the stress an desire to excel drains me; the thought of working full time right now is one that makes me feel like school would suffer almost immediately. I have an amazingly supportive wife who allows me my faults; but I am still shamed by this fault.

     I'm worried about work. Will the road be my money source? I had an interview with a company that I really want to work for; but have heard nothing back. Was I not interesting enough? Should I have followed up? If so, how? Am I just not someone who is worthy of the brass ring that so many acheive without effort? A loser in the making? Should I apply for disability? Am I too crazy for work? Or am I just not made for the modern workplace.... or people in general? I'm going with natural born loser.... check back with me tomorrow.

      I'm concerned about whether I have what it takes to complete my passion project - the books I have been researching for and collecting info for and dreaming of. Maybe I'm tapping a market no one wants? My idea might be boring.... my execution may be lax..... orI may not be capable of such great things. Greatness seems to always be for other people, not me. I'm just a common man from rural Virginia that found a way to play amoing the stars....

      I have so many desires that its hard to fit them all in a days time.... much less while trying to lead a "normal" existence. I got the wife I needed; but now that it's time to put up and shut up in other areas, I don't seem to be setting the world ablaze as I had hoped. A book of matches..... perhaps.

      My mind is not my friend today.....

A Month of Writing - The Penultimate Collection!

     Prompt was about "the same"

The Song remains the same

I never wanted to speak
Fom my Father’s voice,
“What is this crap you are
Listening to?
I remember when music was
Created by a band,
Not a computer.”
Each generation has their mantra
That remembers another time,
Another style and another tune.
That said, I can’t do it
The top 40 sounds like one
Long symphony of the same
To me.
Be it Nicki, Beyonce’ or Taylor
It all bleeds into a uniform tune.
I never wanted to be
Considered an elitist,
Nor would I consider myself
A connoisseur;
But II know what I like.
New music has beacons
Of hope,
But the popular ones
Come from a mold that
I cannot come around on.
Either I have become old
Enough to no longer appreciate
Or music has become trite enough
To no longer care.

     An appreciation prompt for our day of thanks.....

Life grants us all many reasons for thanks

Many more rriches than what rests in a bank

A litany of joy delivered in brown bags

Oft forgotten by data on store tags

With the bleed of life from one day to the next

Intentions veiled behind an email or text

Emotions leave our hearts and minds vexed

Yearning for something to happen

Appreciate the simple moments in life

A simple night spent with a lover, alone

A call from mom at Christmas by phone

Cuddling by the blaze with a favorite tome

A wonderful forest of garnet majesties

A home filled with many aromatic cheeses

The best friend at work full of teases

A warm bubble bathe always pleases

Cherish the moments that come to you

Rejoice in the plethora of simple pleasure

Live with your eyes open to what is new,

While holding tight to what is your's forever.

     A prompt for "_ News"

Breaking News

I don't know how to tell you

But, she is gone.

Physically, not yet

You still share a house.

Mentally; more of the same

Enough to get by,

But nothing more than

is necessary.

Spiritually,

Your souls never quite gelled,

Even though your lives 

Became the same.

Emotionally,

She has left you at the

Bus station of solace.

No scheduled stops;

No forwarding address.

And lastly, Today's prompt, "Do it again"

Flowers have flown,

And cake has been cut,

The buttons let loose

An hour ago.

Words given,

Hopes built,

Forever gleaming

In your eyes.

The din of music

Envelopes us;

Friends and family

Celebrate us;

We have become us.

On this day of love,

"I do," only hours old,

All I can think of is

How I want nothing more

Than to do it all again.

With each passing day,

I will live my vows

To you for always.

"Game Over"

     For the next month, I will be participating on an online effort for writing poetry (seeing as how it's National Writing month or something!), so today's blog will be my first poem. We were supposed to write from the poem prompt "Game Over".... Enjoy.

I have far too many years

For innocence such as yourself.
What you have proposed to me
Is neither rational nor hopeful;
I have mementos older than you!
Time does not hold a voyage for us -
Still, you invite me to play.
Vision washing over you
Desire peeking out from the curtain;
Who am I to say no?
A gentle journey begins....
I ask everything of you
Because I have no need from you
With each passing event
You dance and cajole
Showing me a fantasy come real
A wisp of dreaming while awake.
At once, I forsake my sense
In favor of what lies before my senses
You were not what I was looking for
But have inspired the vision 
Of what I seek from happiness.
Unyielded,
Playtime is no more
And the work of making you mine
Has begun.

Brett Humphreys

A Good Time Had By All

     What a fantastic weekend. I'm tired and happy.... but work returns tomorrow. Tip for aspiring writers - write a little something every day! Reality for aspiring writers - it's harder than it seems! All day my mind is running and so much crosses my mind - like all of us - but when I get tired or "have" to sit down and write something - this is what  I get. A step above gibberish. :i

They can't all be the Illiad, I suppose..... 

So, You Think You Can Write?

      Yes, I think I can. What an exciting moment today - I got my first call from a potential publisher talking about the many services they provide for aspiring authors such as myself. Sure, it will cost me to use their services; but feeling that my dream could inevitably become a reality is a fantastic thing! There are many people who feel they have a story to share with the masses - in this way, I am no different than many. I am willing to step up and take the chance, though. Front my own money. Perhaps one day I can have publishing firms fronting me money for future books and make a career of this. For today, my goal is much more quaint - I want to leave some small token that I existed. I could forever be in the Library of Congress as a published author! No matter how good or how bad this all turns out to be; it will be mine and will be eternal.

      Do you ever dream of writing? A book? Poetry? A screenplay? Any ideas of what you would like to see written? Are blogs the new books? So many things to consider - but so many stories begin with just taking a chance. The one break that takes a hundred failures to accomplish. This may ultimately go "nowhere". I might never be the next big thing. But..... How many people get to say they were able to create something for public consumption?

     I am still in the early stages; despite all this excitment. I have multiple ideas; but no book. I'm gaining knowledge; but no closer to an actual written tome. Finding time is difficult in moments, but once I start, I feel like it will flow quickly.

     I hope this works out....

Wet Things

     So my boss always uses the term "We are water". I fancy myself a bit of a writer. These two things merged to form the following..... (You put chocolate in my PEANUT BUTTER!)

I am water

I flow forth

Ever adaptable in

My environment

Gently rocking 

Along each curve

I am river

Rushing down towards 

The sea

Spilling over without

Heed when

I gain more emotional current 

Than I can manage

I am the ocean

Crashing mightily

Against barriers

Uncontrollable and

Unconfined in my

Tempest

I am rain

Falling carelessly from

The sky

Carefree and uninhibited

Giving birth or renewal 

To all that I find

I am water...