Veni, vidi, non dominabatur

      How would you know if your significant other is happy? What indicator could a husband portray with others that sets someone at ease? Inawprld of suspicion and opportunity, it seems so foreign to identify a trait that prescribes the comfort of trust fully. 

      In a previous life, I could never pinpoint the actions that made me feel other husbands were fully committed to their wives, but I could sense it. Something in them shone through and demonstrated how happy they were with their life choice, and I never had that peace.

      Then I met my doll face.

      In my happiness with my life partner, I slowly began to realize early on that I was emitting that same vibe of inner sanctuary. In deLing with people in general (and women specifically), I began to notice a new trend in how I interacted. 

Where it was once a dismissive statement to mention I was married, I now say it aggressively - and without having to feel forced in doing so. I have a partner (and have made a choice) that makes me proud and that I wish to share with the world. I am thrilled to be defined (in part) by my marriage, as well as in my actions toward this other human being that graces my days. In strip clubs, at work and online, I am no longer portrayed as a "lone wolf", and I think the answer to how to know what someone feels lies in how excited they are to identify themselves clearly as a member of a unit - showing others that they are vulnerable, committed and unattainable. 

     I am no relationship counselor, but this is my take on something that lived in the core of me all along, but was not able to be released. I could sense it in others, but did not find it in my self until I had the proper protagonist. A gift left to me by man long ago, who was driven on instinct and identity. Who could ask for anything more?

The First Pages, Hummingbird....

     Strip clubs are a microcosm of pure capitalism and lucid psychology in action. I didn't always understand the allure and idea of these environments, having been taught that they were a form of sex industry. The visual of drunken, writhing bodies and the scent of sweat overtaking me kept me hesitant, and the idea of a beautiful woman I could never have causing me to lust seemed to be a form of self torture. This seems to be the male dilemma I have encountered - either men see it as a visual buffet of beauty or a withheld, painful longing. After finally going to my first strip club, I found there was a third option. Hanging out and talking to the women at the club showed me a kinship with people who want to be heard; women who spend time satusfying the needs of others who don't take a moment to actually recognize the human being in front of him.

      Worse yet are the opinions of many women who cataloguer he club as a seedy pool where men go to leer and share sexuality with other women. The reality is that the club is a much less threatening option to relationships, a service that provides a fantasy with no ability to be attained by customers. In talking to the dancers, one comes to learn that these people, like the rest of us, have dreams and goals and struggles, just like the rest of us. They aren't any more sexual or deviant than the rest of us - they merely have a comfort with their bodies that allows them to provide a service that is seen less threatening when a Hollywood actress does it. A double standard given by societal norms and reinforced by women's insecurities (placed on then by society as well).

      This book is an attempt to reflect on these faceless women and reveal the reality of their profession. There is a wonder to what dancers are able to do on a daily basis, and there is a psychological toll that comes with being ignored in plain sight - giving others satisfaction while being offered nothing but money in return. There is no shame in what they do, and it is time that we, as a people, recognize this is a form of entertainment, not the prelude to an orgy.

It's Probably Unspeakable

From somewhere behind

The curtain

A gentle whisper:

Something doesn't

Feel right. 

I turn my attention 

Elsewhere,

But the whisper 

Becomes alarm.

What horrors have

Occurred while

I was distracted?

How will I handle

The outcome

Of this tragedy?

My body springs

Into action

Ready for the

Worst,

But once realized,

The situation is

Not dire.

No horrors await.

Something WAS

Askew,

But the unknown

Did not hold

Destruction.

Knowledge safe,

I go forth with

A gentle peace;

A better understanding.

A Friend in Need... Is a Choice

      A stripper gets fired for excess. How obtuse..... Do they get fmla coverage? Rehab costs covered? Anywho, a wonderful young lady reached out to me in a time of crisis. I had plans with another friend today; I could very easily said some supportive stuff about the situation and sent her on her way. I have certainly had past "friends" give me the "it will get better!" brush off in my own past.

      That is exactly why I couldn't do that to this suffering soul. I feel it is inherent to make adjustments and be physically present for comfort. A text is okay, a call is better, but nothing compares to when my doll face holds me when things grow dark. Did I "save the day"? I doubt it. Did I solve the problems? Not within my control. I merely showed a human being that I have shared laughs, liquor and moments with that I was also available to listen, to cry, to offer my support in a time of need. In this age of media and instant messaging, the power of a hug and an empathic stare have fallen prey to the next convenience or distraction. I'm not better than anyone who would decide differently, but I am omni-aware of the ache it can leave when someone reaches out and receives anything less than a partner in a painful time.

       I hope we all continue to try and appreciate people over the litany of pastimes that leave us engaged but our souls empty. It's important not to overthink it- a friend in need is my chance to comfort and be a friend indeed. I am not perfect, I have missed a cry for help in the past, but I strive to never make that mistake again. The slightest hint of discord requires nothing more than a "what's wrong?" It costs me nothing to think about someone eps in that moment, and it is up to them now to share or keep their pain to themselves. A friend will always give you enough to be aware of the predicament. An acquaintance is more likely to keep it aside. However, a friend with self worth issues may distract you, so as not to "bother" you.

      And these are the people who need us most.

The American Drain

      Why has it become so hard for us to be happy in modern America? The days of the wife, kids and white picket fence has become a parody of times long past. In meeting people each day, it becomes less and less frequent that I find a genuinely happy individual.

      In a world full of inventions geared towards entertaining us, we have lost the ability to just sit still and enjoy the simple things. Reading books, listening to the radio or simple crafts were passive, calming endeavors. Now, with thrilling TV, suspenseful video games and an Internet full of information, we are never quite able to turn our brains off and tune down. Staying mentally alert right up to bedtime makes sleep less restful overall.

      Also, having so many options to engage in takes away from the peaceful zen we once were able to accomplish each day with ease. When merely deciding HOW to relax becomes stressful, we have perverted the intent of the creation.

      In addition, there are so many fields in modern society where we get seduced into competing against a(n often idyllic) characterization of what accomplishment looks like. Whether it's the physical ideal presented in media, the monetary goal set by the amount of things we desire, the title we seek to validate our importance or even the status symbols we are judged by so often (clothes, jewelry, cars, house). With a litany of intoxicants to compare and contrast against those around us and admire, where can happiness arise? The once simple idea of enjoying the things you have has been supplanted by the unending pursuit of the possessions that can identify us as a victor, in some way. In fact, we negate our individuality when we submit to comparison in the void. Rather than competing in the rat race; when is it enough to just focus on doing best in life with what we are - not giving into a "wannabe"?

Chicken or Egg?

      It occurs to me time and again how far we as a society have fallen when it comes to ethics and morality. Where respect and civic duty once meant something (not to mention national pride), these concepts seemed to have been ripped from the very fabric of the American Dream. It's a sad statement on the frailty of the scales of justice that cm unity has been left lying behind many.

      A grand example is the riots incited recently due to "police brutality). To begin with, the people who have passed have done so as CRIMINALS who resisted arrest. Once you step outside the scope of the social contract, you are accepting the potential for a negative outcome. Even still, once the criminal is caught, the gig is up. If someone has already broken the law and resists, there is no telling what might come next for law abiding citizens. I'm not saying that police don't overreact or never abuse their power, but by breaking the law, criminals put themselves in harm's way. However, current conditions allow sympathy for a villain.

       Then we have the "protesters" who riot and steal in the name of....? A peaceful protest is the American way, but when did that devolve into a cash grab? Even the premise of "black lives matter"....what about the many black lives that are being inconvenienced by riots and stopping entire freeways? Do their lives not count? The victim complex continues......

       So the police are at fault for trying to enforce the laws, the country is at fault for not .... Something, and the rules are fair because it doesn't hold someone else down. Self serving madness and the herald of the world not providing you the manner to perform CRIMES. Makes sense to me....

When Is Enough?

      The irony of desire is that we as a species focus our attention on objects or people, but the motivation for craving is in the emotion itself. The idea is that by accomplishing or obtaining a certain object of our longing, we will satiate our desires. Yet, invariably, another object comes along to wet our appetite and the cycle of conquest continues. Like any emotion, there is no set amount that will complete our want, it is only in making the choice to be thankful for what we have that we can find relief and appreciation. 

     This situation is most common in interpersonal relationships. Desire plays s key role in the many levels we incorporate into finding our significant other. If the desire is for the body, then our attention has a tendency to stray. If our attention is focused I being loved, than as one relationship loses the fires of infatuation, another can rise in its place. If the desire is for companionship, the focus will shift and look to be filled in many interactions.

      However, if the desire is to love another, and we find that love standing before us, we have all we need to make the choice to desire no longer. In seeking to give, changing the object does not change the desire. In giving of ourselves, we never have fear of disappointment, for we control what we give and how we portray ourselves to others. How they interpret our actions is beyond our control, and if that becomes our focus, the cycle of passions can burn us alive.