The Song Does Not Remain the Same

Mid Life Crisis. Fork in the road. Defining moment. Maturity. Internal evaluation. Nervous breakdown. Whatever you label it; there are just some moments in many peoples lives where they must choose a path. A moment where the decision will define and alter the landscape of what they had considered "Reality". A moment that calls into question selfishness versus selflessness; humanity versus isollation; your place in the world versus your establishing yourself and letting come what may. These tectonic (SP?) shifts can influence a persons entire life. These poignant moments generally revolve around three main topics : , introspection,success or relationships. In my case, I have been consumed by all three... Introspection is a lost skill in today's world - the ability to look inside honestly and know yourself. In modern times, therapists, psychiatrists and medications have taken the place of a thorough knowledge of a persons true "Self". We require a sounding board who gently tugs us in a direction to try and lead us to water. While they are trained to listen and dissect - if you are not knowledgeable enough about yourself you may very well follow them to conclusions that did not reflect you (before), and have now altered your internal make up. Therapists and psychiatrists try very carefully to avoid this situation as professionals - but all diagnosies are instinctual and a bit of leading is needed for those who are not learned nor adept. Why can't a person just sit - in a quiet room; a park; an airplane - and probe their own psyches? How is it lost on many that as the only holder of all the answers - YOU are the one best suited to ask the questions. You won't always like the answers - but since you are dealing in your own psyche; you have the power to change. After the therapist (or us, if we do the work) determines what is eating us alive, the next logical step seems to medicate it into submission. Certainly there are plenty of cases where this is applicable and makes sense - there does seem to be an avalanche of drugs now made to numb us all into a state of lobotimized latency.As a Manic depressive, I have a litanyof meds to take - one to calm me down, one to pep me up and one to stabilize me throughout the day. Do my meds make things more manageable? To a point, certainly. However it also removes my individuality - I like my manic, impulsive, outgoing mayhem. I can generally control my depressive episodes and work my way through to the light. Yet I am still told meds are needed to keep me from driving off the cliff. Okay; even if that's the case - if that's who I am - why not? What is the obsessionwith everyone filling a role; meeting a standard? Mozart, Da Vinci, Einstein... these are men who all had a plethora of mental illnesses.... and in today's medication society they would have been drugged to the point of lethargy; And the world would have lost.... Success is such a subjective term; its hard to really discuss on a deep level. That said; we all come to a moment in life - even in reflection - where we measure ourselves to determine if we have been "succesful".The most difficult part of this judgement is that we are comparing what we have done to what we wanted to do; and what we wanted to do against what society deems "success".the variables lead to a mass of confusion to where we can really never definitively say we were "succesful", only that we are proud of what we accomplished. Is that enough? Can you go into the great beyond content in the knowledge you did yourown thing - even if those around you found it a waste of your life? For me I find it's enough to say I have lived with no regrets. I have made choices that worked out to my detriment; but I always felt they were right at the time. I can never second guess the person who made that decision - in intellectual honesty you have to accept that you don't know what frame of mind you were in at the time. So how could you speak intelligently about the execution of the decision? Yet we do it all the time; judging the decision as opposed to it's outcome. I will be what I will be..... and I am what I am. There is where my success lies... Your standing at a point in your life..... Married with kids; a good job; a nice home; astable existence. All of a sudden this person walks into your life - Fun; exciting; fresh; romantic; passionate - and sends you tumbling. No matter what we all like to think; in that moment we are vulnerable; the allure of this other entity draws us in. At that point, the dilemma is set and we are left to think. What do I want from this person? How far am I willing to go? How far are they trying to take it? What will my significant other say? Do I tell him/ her? Is this my little secret? An honest man goes into remission.... for those not self realized; this can shake the foundation of their being because they don't know themseleves to know what they want. If they go against what they want.... somewhere down the line there will be regret. There will be a continual gnaqing in their sould until one day they arrive at the fact that it was "the one that got away". Other's don't feel worthy of their good fortune; and punish themselves over giving into their desires over what is "right". Others still make no choice; they move forward and let fate decide. No matter what road you travel down; a peron must be confident in their choices in order to be conrtent in their decision. People want to consider all avenues before deciding - how do people feel; where it will all go; what is to be lost.When the ultimate decision lies in - What would YOU do? Then do it. I don't have all the answers for you. You have all the answers for you. Ancilllary stimuli may make us feel better in our decisions; but in the end you really must just do what you feel. It's a hard sacrifice, though. You have to give up blaming other things; or omnipotent creatures or beings that manipulate our lives. You have to stand in a field of illusions and state "It is this way because I want it to be so, Win or lose; right or wrong; this is the path I have chosen and I will accept the consequences." I'm at a point in my life where I have decisions to make (or information to gather) on all these topics. I live in a constant state of flux; but I enjoy the power of making the decision and seeing what happens next. It's hard; it hurts; and sometimes there are innocent casualties - but it is surely better to live than to just be alive..... If you're going through the motions - you no longer make a difference. In my opinionn, making a difference is the only reason we all survive...