As I Lay Me Down To Sleep......

      I went to a writing lecture tonight....  pretty cool stuff. It just led to me thinking more and more....... I'm forty years old and trying to get my life to take off. Life can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. When I was 18 and just barely pulling myself to a high school diploma; all that talk of a "future" was so meaningless. I was broken. I was depressed. I had a goal to be dead by 30. Nothing I did then would ever matter.

      Look at me now.

      I have fought and clawed to vecome a success DESPITE myself. Bad relationship; mental breakdown; depression; poor choices - nothing ever stopped me. Somehow; I STILL found a way to have a six figure income for a few years. Had an amazing son. Have the wife of my dreams.

      Now I have to do the work I didn't do then to become something better now.

      I'm going back to school to get a degree. To matter (in the eyes of employers). I'm going to write a book. No matter ho succesful (or not) the book is; it will be like my love letter to yesterday. A sign that all those decisions DID matter - I could have made a much easier life for myself. I'm going to probably struggle through two years of semi-employment to get my degree; ready to take off once I attain it.

      IT's not always that easy.

      Mine is not a story we haven't all heard (or lived) before. I'm not regaling you with any deep philosophical bent we haven't all heard or read before. i'm just another guy who didn't do it early and is now trying to make it up on the back end. I hope I can succeed. I hope I have a path that leads to salvation - to a final sense of purpose and belonging. I want to be someone people are proud of for what they accomplished; not happy to know just because they are silly. I want to have a resume that FORCES an employer to call and learn more.

       I want to be a man my wife is proud to call heusband.

       The trail begins.....

It's just a fantasy.....

      This year, for the first time, I joined a fantasy football league (and now a fantasy hockey league!). It has always felt to me that Fantasy Football was just a way to enjoy games that people wouldn't normally enjoy otherwise. While there is some small truth to that for me; I have ALWAYS loved football and watched as many games as I could. Not CFL or anything.... I guess the NFL and College are all I am familiar enough with to enjoy.

     It just seems funny to me that (as a society) we have to add layers of enjoyment to things to keep the attention of the (largely) ADD masses. Enjoying things for the basic sake of the event is SO passe. Even sports stadiums have to have other interests to keep us interested - nevermind that we are all linked to playthings like phones and tablets and video games. It is almost humorous to see someone at a grocery store just standing in line or.... reading a magazine! (That's why they are at the front; young people). Such passive enjoyment seems naive almost....

     I don't want to come across as that old guy who rails about how "in my day, we were THANKFUL". There is no better time to be alive in history than right now. My worry is that this "always on" mentality wears us down and leads us to never be able to enjoy. It's another symptom in the illness that plagues so many - the inability to be happy in the moment. We are smarter and more entertwined than EVER; but generally, happiness is unsettling for many - a lost island. In some way, u=it seems many have already become slaves to their machines.....

It's been a while

     So, I am on my way to attempting to be a writer. Everything I keep reading says that - every day - you must write SOMETHING..... just to sharpen the skills and keep the feeling flowing. The funny thing is some of my best ideas come at 2 am. I hope that I can put this together; I have some really cool ideas that I think would be cool in the marketplace. Some flashy, some trashy, some to learn from. All from different parts of me......

     An amazing weekend with the Wife. Unfortunately, she is a bit under the weather today - send your thoughts to her if you will. That said, this weekend with her was enjoyable on so many levels. I can't say enough great things about her - and when we have people in our life that are so special; we SHOULD try to state how very lucky we are to have a supernova in a sea of bic lighters.

     Every post isn't going to be a novel (without time and filling out ideas eventually!); but I am going to try and be faithful to writing or posting daily. Deinitely going to try and be more consisttent than the once in 9 months it has been here! Like I alluded to earlier maybe one of these post ideas will become a book of its own..... I'm excited for the present.