Growing?

Maturity makes another appearance

In my life as I move forward,

The questionable choices

That once whet my palate

Are tainted by experience.

The sweets aren't quite as tempting

The chaos not as welcoming.

Maturity comes with the understanding

Of the consequences that follow

Questionable good times. 

It is not a removal of choice

But rather the appreciation

Of treating the things you have

Worked so hard for

With respect;

Recognizing when a decision

Appeals to the ego

But not the memory.

I Don't Walk on Water (But Who's Asking?)

      I feel stress. I feel pressure. In every moment, I am uneasy - feeling like I can't sit still because there is always something else that needs my attention. Part of this feeling is brought to me thanks to my bipolar butler, but others of it comes from needing rest with a lot of responsibility. It's an emotionally toxic mix. My mind feels a few steps slow, my memory is nonexistent (ADD to the max), my patience with people is paper thin and my desire to sit with my wife, cat and dog in peaceful solitude has tripled. I don't do stress well - I never have. It's the reason I have tried to keep a few major commitments with a lot of time allotted to carrying them out to the best of my ability. I'm feeling overwhelmed due to my disease process and my commitments.

     I need to stop.

     My wife is out of commission and everything is mine to handle for three weeks. It's not a lot to ask and I should be able to manage it. I just need to budget my time more appropriately since I have less of it for a few weeks. It is no sacrifice, it is what couples do - "in sickness and in health". I can deteine a million excuses

     ...... Or I can just man up and do it.

For Better? Simple.

     "For better or for worse" is one of those phrases that is iconic in society, but often is mentioned in pessimism and some disdain. "For worse" doesn't mean that things have gone sour between yourself and your love, it often just means someone is having a bad day and needs understanding. In my experience, there are a few ways you can help when your love is upset:

      Start by listening. Every day, a nation of spouses come home and tell the trails of their day; an interchange of release and discussion filling the air. However, on those really dark days, fight the urge to pontificate and just settle in and listen. In these moments, I find all I can say is "I love you," and "I don't know what to say but I understand." Nothing in this line of thought can heal, but in listening I hope to relieve the pressure in her heart and allow her to clear her mind. This is no small feat, especially for men. I'm not great at this, admittedly. My first instinct it to protect and correct the situation with advice. In doing so, I am not actively listening and causing her to think when she seeks to emote.

      Recognize when you are not the answer. There are going to be certain times when our significant others need another voice, when we have said all that we can say on a topic. Furthermore, if our spouse has taken the time and energy to develop a deep, meaningful relationship, then that other person can offer our spouse additional insight that we may be too emotionally biased to conceptualize. I am in no way threatened by my wife seeking an additional opinion in her life's travels. I don't know everything about ANYTHING; even my wife. If I want to talk video games, I call my best friend. Why should her interests run any different?

      Accept that others are not like you, but every one has common ideals on how they would like to be treated. I am an individual in a world of unique personalities, so how I think, feel or act in a given situation can be shared as my ideal, not fact. I cannot judge another persons actions through my viewfinder, as they have their own insights. However, when I choose my response to a given story, I can relate from how I would like to be treated when I am in a funk. Who doesn't like a kind word, a gentle hug (or a stiff drink!)? Can I really go wrong serving dinner and giving a massage? Sending a gentle text with inspirational quotes? Telling bad jokes? Who wouldn't appreciate that?

      Learn when you've done enough, but (s)he just needs time and space. This goes with the first ideal, but it's on the back end of the experience. This is another one I am still working on improving, as I have a hard time watching those I love be unhappy. My wife and I have agreed that if she wants to head to another room for personal time, I will respect her wishes and not follow; in return, she will come back to me when she finds her "center" once more. There are things we all experience that are more than the typical annoyances, and there are moments when we need to vent, refocus on our happiness (alone) and then come back from the woods. A modern day "voyage quest" to work through our angst; as it were. I have had to learn that this isn't my love turning away from comfort, rather, she is breaking the thought cycle and "letting go". A distinction in my mindset, not a difference of action.

     The commitment required to have a great relationship is the humility required to be a great partner. Doing for others is the ultimate panacea for helping our own ills - especially within a relationship. For those aspiring to love, be the person you would fall for. For those in love, don't lose the appreciation and wonder that love inhabits. Don't lose the fact that you have found a gift many search a lifetime for. Relationships can make us better people, in a healthy, loving environment. If given the opportunity to grow, everything one could ask may be found within the confines of a loving marriage. "For Worse" is remembering to be half of a whole...

The Animal Within....

      The age old debate that divides a nation rages on! Democrats and Republicans? No. Red Sox or Yankees? Nah. Edward or Jacob? Who even cares?? No, the true debate will always be Cat People and Dog People. There are definite people who can straddle the line, but even then generally prefer one pet over the other. (Don't even get me started on big dogs versus small dogs). As a lifelong cat person, I have always appreciated the personality quirks that many people vilify cats for. As I have become a dog owner over the past few years, I have come to appreciate them more, but I am definitely still a fan of cats.

      People speak about cats being evil, aloof animals that ignore their owner and everything to do with them. A wonton destruction machine in four legged form. The truth is, my cars have always enjoyed my company for a bit, and then LET ME BE. I don't want my pet to become a codependent chore that leaves me begging for some time alone. Cats are playful, curious, able to express their wants and ready to share a life with you. There is nothing "evil" or "aloof" about wanting some alone time. Human couples do it, why can't your pet?

      Dogs, on the other hand, are portrayed as "man's best friend". From "Lassie" to "Old Yeller" to "K9 Cop", we are exposed to the myth of a dog as a life partner. In my reality, dogs are sneaky, needy animals that must be taught to respect their owners and not constantly demand their attention. Dogs will nip at a person seeking their owners attention, and that is no "best friend of mine". However, once a dog realizes an alpha and understands there are rules, they can be playful, appropriately loving and quite charmingly goofy in their own right. I love the dog I have helped raise, and I enjoy our interactions as they happen. There is no need for a continuous realm of touching to have a solid bond with her.

       That said, many people love dogs because they ARE a constant source of attention in an existential world where any love is better than none at all. Yes, dogs can protect where cats do not, and they can be great companions as a part of a family when they are a part (not priority).

      The joys of pets in both camps are powerful and impassioned about their four legged friends. While everyone deserves to enjoy their animals any way they wish, so many people have lost all ability robe considerate of others when doing so. If only people would show discipline to avoid impacting others negatively, it would be a better place for us all!

Veni, vidi, non dominabatur

      How would you know if your significant other is happy? What indicator could a husband portray with others that sets someone at ease? Inawprld of suspicion and opportunity, it seems so foreign to identify a trait that prescribes the comfort of trust fully. 

      In a previous life, I could never pinpoint the actions that made me feel other husbands were fully committed to their wives, but I could sense it. Something in them shone through and demonstrated how happy they were with their life choice, and I never had that peace.

      Then I met my doll face.

      In my happiness with my life partner, I slowly began to realize early on that I was emitting that same vibe of inner sanctuary. In deLing with people in general (and women specifically), I began to notice a new trend in how I interacted. 

Where it was once a dismissive statement to mention I was married, I now say it aggressively - and without having to feel forced in doing so. I have a partner (and have made a choice) that makes me proud and that I wish to share with the world. I am thrilled to be defined (in part) by my marriage, as well as in my actions toward this other human being that graces my days. In strip clubs, at work and online, I am no longer portrayed as a "lone wolf", and I think the answer to how to know what someone feels lies in how excited they are to identify themselves clearly as a member of a unit - showing others that they are vulnerable, committed and unattainable. 

     I am no relationship counselor, but this is my take on something that lived in the core of me all along, but was not able to be released. I could sense it in others, but did not find it in my self until I had the proper protagonist. A gift left to me by man long ago, who was driven on instinct and identity. Who could ask for anything more?