What You Really, Really Want?

Glistening grail of glory

Rests upon the pinnacle

Of yonder mountain.

Unsteady in its mount

Swaying to and fro

In the gusts of change.

Your focus steadfast,

Staring down the dream.

Sharing your destination

With all who may share

In the delights of your vision.

Living omnipresent 

In the coronation

Before the climb 

Has yet to be underway.

You spin tales of wonder

At what is to become,

While lending a blind eye

To the toil required

To claim that solitary

Golden moment of

Sacrifice found.

The failure isn't always

In choosing a goal

Eventually deemed too lofty,

But more often in the

Ignorance of all the

Sub-goals it takes

To aspire to the Heavens.

Hurts So Good

      There are so many different types of beauty in the world, yet we lump them all into one great pot for comparison. With a momentary appreciation and a presence of thought, it begins to detangle and become clearer in definition.

      There is the surrounding beauty we take for granted each day. The trees and the waterfalls and those slight glosses of light that fall on the landscape. It takes some doing to mentally detach ourselves from everyday events to notice and admire the wind's scent as it tickles across our skin. Something forgotten but easily recognizable. 

      Also in our daily lives is the outstanding beauty. Those things or people that stand out among the rest, moving us to comment (either to others or just ourselves) on how extraordinary they are. It's an enjoyment of witnessing an object of some wonder, but quickly forgotten as we move forward into the next moment. A butterfly strikes us in its grace and beauty, but rarely does it stay with us as we continue on.

       Then you are left with the rare breed of breathtaking beauty. Be it a certain landscape, or a certain person - this type of appreciation moves the spirit as well as the mind. It strikes you in such a way that is almost painful in its brilliance; your mind feels overwhelmed and your body on sensory overload when you look upon  "the person of your dreams". It engulfs you with desire and longing; that subtle nagging that you wish nothing more than to kiss and hold and be ever present in that moment of ecstasy. When it comes in the form of a person, you are left wanting to be with them completely, but also afraid to ever become trite or codependent in their eyes. Their loss would be like God ripping away a Great gift he gave to the world. This is a reminder that beauty is in the life force that we all carry within us, that it propels us all in our search for meaning.

     The power of beauty is as oft written about through man kinds history as the mystery of love, and therefore is no wonder these sensations are at the very soul of what we seek to exist completely. In its most guttural and purest form, a vision of beauty can be an amazing life event, a moment in time that echoes in our spirit for decades to come, always available to demonstrate that there is Divinity that still walks among us. We are drawn toward it instinctually, even as it threatens to destroy us (from within our comfort zone), it also inspires us and drives us to new heights of growth and aspiration for a better life.

My Sight

No matter the words I decide to use

You will never be able to recognize how

To sit in the dark trying not to confuse

The concept of how to "live in the now".

How could I possibly paint you a scene

Of the red light slowly starting to rise

With an answer resting in disguise

The sundrops flush my dark soul clean.

I have tried to share with you my struggle

A steady chipping within from without

Resolve forms an acute stream puddle

And my worth holds my self in doubt.

I love because that is what our destiny ordained

I love you because I can feel you when alone

I need your actions to set our ascendent tone

The sacrifices deemed worthy of being pained

I do becuase it is mine to give freely

My every motion is a call to action

To accept and absorb me completely

Then give me back to your satisfction.

Forgive me my outbursts of humanity

Understand my intent when I have fear

Bring me close and hold me tight, dear -

Offer things only described as Divinity

Does It Need To Be a Choice? Can't I Just Cake?

     Today, I was in a place to overhear the phrase, "Have your cake and eat it too.", and it gave me pause. In the traditional sense of how people use this phrase, the idea is that they have something pleasant and want something else pleasant as well. In reality, wouldn't this be a much more realistic (and common) "Have your cake in vanilla and another cake in chocolate"? When presented as wanting options, things take on a very different tone; not so demeaning and minimizing. However, the intent of the statement is generally to have the 'offending' party to come across as selfish and uncaring, especially when related to relationships and careers.in a broader sense though, is it really?

      I am experiencing my own form of this right now - I want a healthy body, but I also really want Doritos. My desire for a flat stomach does not negate my longing for delicious, cheese covered goodness. As such, the desire to meet both needs becomes an exercise in compromise. If I exercise more and eat less (but still some) wonderful chippy goodness, I can accomplish both things. (Have my Doritos and eat them too?) The long held idea of choosing one over the other need not apply, unless I decide to stay home and stuff my face with carbs when I should be going for a walk.

      Then there are the passive factors. When I first start working out, my body is so tired and wants to be lazy. In time, it feels great to have abundant energy and stamina, but the road there is a bumpy one. Sitting around covered in the sweet orange Doritos dust is ver relaxing, but obviously lends itself to the blasé feeling my body experiences so much of the time when I'm out of shape.  Add to this the conditioning that comes with the pleasure centers that junk food dances upon, and you have a very simple concept that requires a very large commitment quotient. 

     Who doesn't have multiple wants, some of which may conflict or seem mutually exclusive? Isn't the transition to figuring a way to meet these needs the very definition of the human condition?

Universal (De)Lights

The sun blooms once again

On the far horizon,

An inconsistent constant:

The concept of the star

Remains the same

But the reality is

That it is ever changing.

The true standard bearer

Of my continued existence

Rests gently upon my chest.

The sighed echoes of content

Tickle my skin and psyche.

A gift given to me in love

Unassuming, unimaginable,

Indescribable.

The center of the known

Universe may well be the sun,

But the only supernova

In my creation comes

In the form simply of

A gift of you.

Good Night

I just wanted to thank you 

For the laughs we share time after time

And have committed to doing for life.

The music we have experienced in unison

On its own would fill many people's

Pleasure centers for all they could imagine.

I'm not able to impress upon you

How much our time together

Flows through my mind for days before.

Your every accidental touch

Bristles me inside with anticipation;

Each time you caress my back,

My inner angst settles in my chest;

The times you hold my arm and look to me

The world is calm; the breath in my chest.

When I look into the coming sharing

And contemplate the forces at work,

A tsunami of sanctity rests upon my hope

Of the wonders we have left to discover

And the mark on existence we will leave.

Grab my hand and let's sprint forward

Whatever awaits us will be magnificent

With you on my arm and in my heart.

Hazy Recollection

It all began with the thrust of the unknown,

A euphoric phase of discovery that thrives

On it's own beliefs laid beside the facts.

Time seems to slow and create a tunnel

Of moments and movements that are,

In each thought, completely absorbed.

Mind dancing and unstable, exposed

Focus is on each aspect of the portrait

In order to preserve the overall addition.

A calm settles across my soulspace,

The antidote to self sacrifice

Finally at hand.

A tad further, the brain begins to gel

And focus is slowly restored.

However, Am I better off for 

The variety of distractions?

Or should I return to the smaller space

For a joyful day?

Appreciation not Addiction

Excuse me, but would you happen to know

What event it is?

So caught up in recording the outcome

That you fail to notice what is right

Inside of your person.

Talk to me about riddles and limmericks

While presenting me only freeze tag.

If I make a move, the trust

From the occurence will be broken,

But to stay frozen means taxing

And bored existence behind

The guise of congress.

I am not here to like you,

I am here to work with you

And create our castle of caring

That glides into the eternal.

How did we get here and now?

What knowing thoughts

Were left trampled underheart?

What subtle clues were swept away

Under the fault of knowing when.

My goal is to love

The idea is to be loved

The sense is to be patient

While the heart is to be had.

Our organic interchange anew,

A lifetime of thoughts washed clean. 

Take my hand and risk with me

To play and pet and perform,

My dreams are fused to you -

As orange and rust to Fall's bloom;

My nights given to you

By a kiss to close the door

And a nuzzle to open the calm.

My ego seeks to give the world to you,

But I am man and capable of

Only 'Man' level things.

So If I can, I would like to

Give you a home to set your heart in;

A sanctum derived in 

The confines of my chest;

A staduim full of cheer echoing

In your ears and eyes;

A vault full of promises

That I will do all I can to complete.

If you give me your promise

I will give you my self.

The red sun rises in the East

Signaling a new era has arisen

The colors reflection visible

On the river in my eye.

 

It's High Time I Wrote something Else

Love is a form of man's expression

So is it a surpise to learn

That the artists were high?

Filled with the dazzling sprarkle

Of man's inner booming voice,

A driving momentum

That propels them forward

Into the spotlight of the starshine.

When you are with me,

I can feel the air on my skin,

The breeze tickling my neck,

My breath upon my lip.

My eyes become filled with you,

While also being aware of 

Any advance that coud shatter

Our silent conspiracy of coupleness.

My muscles move me forward,

Ever hoping of some touch of you.

My body cries out to to grasp you,

Marveling at the gentle warmths

Of a shared love space intended.

My mind riddles me,

"What is she thinking right now?"

Coaxing,

"All the signs say she is locked in,

But I don't want to annoy or

Pain you for any longer."

Mocking,

"What stupid thing did we do this time?"

It is in these quiet commitments

A moment shared, never to be forgotten

Increase my desire to say all the things

That I want you to know and feel.

Wishing that I could implant

My feeling of right now into you.

A lifetime of love, a slice of forever,

A step into the other inside.

Art is everlasting, as my love for you (artistically)

I declare my essence yours to share-

From the Phoenix of Eterninty,

A gentle wing vibrates the events of time forth

The Humminbird de Corazon.

A Concert of calm in a furious beating.

The greatest compliment I can conjure

Is that the currency that is my experiences

The cost of a consequence frozen in my time?

I have handed you the value that is my 

Lasting memory, to be used at your discretion.

This exchange rate is variable, however,

So one best not sit back on their laurels,

Lest they lose the passion to apathy.

The greatest sins

Are to lose the Treasure Chest of creativity

Due to lackadaisical, uninspired works,

And to deplete the inclination of a potential

Spiritmaker due to the lack 

Of ambition or courage.

When you find the key to the next room

In the evolution of our existence

That sparks toward self-actualization,

And the ability to comprehend a universe-

The owner taking the Celestial Internal

And offering it to another in 

An exchange of understanding.

You are my every divergent daydream;

A capsule of my tender times;

The geyser of gratitude that 

Pushes me into consideration of

How much difference an "okay" makes.

To always prod me to recall just

How much a peaceful look from you

Would be more than any 

Pleasure I had ever conceptualized.

Wash over me; consume me

Your every atom a gift to life.

Water upon my cheek,

My throat choked at how

Idealistic and complete;

My mind collapses under the

Mere images of you. 

My art is in my love for you

Painted with the colors of my soul.

Sharing my life with you

Is more abstract and divine

Than those mountain majesties.

Thank you for your gift of you....

I am afraid all I have to offer is me.

However, I grow with any interest paid,

And can become the Van Gogh

That Van Gogh once was.

Don't ever let it go.

To Speak or Not to Speak

    In general, I am considered a rather friendly extrovert with a wide range of things that I can talk to people about. Even still, I had a hard time conjuring up the energy to carry on a conversation with people much of the time. I'm not sure if it's just a matter of chemistry - certain people have a personality or energy that I am comfortable with, or a matter of desire, some people make the journey enjoyable and others that make every question a Herculean style effort. It's not unique, many people vary in their styles of communication, but it does leave me to wonder why I can be so selective. There is no inherent bias, there are just some people I just won't take time to get to know. How much of an extrovert can I be if it is only in certain environments? Perhaps I am an introvert with an attitude?

     It makes me wonder because I don't like the feeling inside that I might be dismissive..... I tend to live my life as a come what may, all experiences have something to offer us all. Setting people aside  (if that is indeed the action) provides me the capacity to miss out on something potentially awesome for laziness/ annoyance/ inability to find a common ground. 

     It's funny, when I was a homebound hermit, there were none of these issues, but a desire to actually meet and interact with others. It's such an awkward balance - be alone, interact partially or throw oneself to the winds and be a 'people person'. Perhaps it is merely an internal demand due to my extremist nature, or perhaps it is based in my human nature. Whatever the cause, the outcome makes me feel pathetic at times.