Is Dying Real Enough For You?

     For the many out there who are unaware, Pedro Aguayo Ramirez passed from this mortal coil on Saturday night. Not ringing any bells? For many, it will not - even though he was remarkably famous in his home country of Mexico. He was a Lucha Libre star in the AAA promotion, who broke into the sport at 15 and has spent the last 20 years living up to his legandary father's legacy of entertaining the fans of Lucha. I don't claim to be a fan, or to know a lot of his work - most of what I have seen is from AAA events on Youtube - many of which were in Spanish and I never knkew what the storyline wa. Still, I enjoyed watching him work and tell the story in the ring. I say this to say I'm not a mark, my sorrow is not at the loss of a great ring veteran. I am sorry that a 35 year old man died doing something that I have seen wrestler's do thousands of times in my life and the horror of the other stars who shared the ring with him. Also, that he died doing a SPORT he loved while pious people look down there nose at on a daily basis. Godspeed, and thank you.

     On the idea of "sport", in a world where Gymnasts and Ice Skaters do "routines" in the Olympics as "sport", how is it wrestler's who put their lives and health on the line each night perfoming amazing moves and telling a 20 minute story (routine), how can you consider it any less than sport? Two individuals creating a "dance" of story and action that leads to the delight of millions..... is it the predetermined outcome? Boxing, anyone? No, I feel a lot of the disrespect that taints wrestling comes from it's Carnie beginnings, the southern taste of it in the 80's  - but the phrases and mythical characters still cast a large shadow on popular culture. The Rock says, I AM the tooth fairy! I am, and always will be, a proud wrestling fan.
     Additionally, as I watched the video of this match, the age old "you never know how long you have" popped into my head. As cliche as this statement has become to those who tend to share bubble gum psychology, in this case it is a haunting reminder of truth. As I mentioned earlier, the move that caused this is a staple of modern wrestling - it was either a botched Hurracanrana or a low dropkick and being bounced towards the ring rope. If you have ever watched a single Lucha or cruiserweight match, you have seent these moves tons of times. In this one case, with one bad moment, it cost a man his life. Consider things you do on a weekly basis that pas by ith no more than a whisper in our daily lives. At work. Behind the wheel of a car.In the home. No matter the amount of care, the outcome of this match was probably unavoidable. Just think about the things that bother you and consider if they are enough to waste hours or days of your life stressing. I am sure Pedro had no reason to believe 35 would be his swan song. Don't leave you life in regret.
     Lastly, it's time to truly consider what wrestler's put themselves through for our entertainment. These are stars that deserve the adulation we pile on sports starts that are much less endangered or deserving. From the Wrestler's point of view, what is with the drastic change in the sport over the years? I loved my ECW, I love Ring of Honor, I enjoy Lucha - but as I was listening to a podcast with none other than old time 'rasslin "enhancement talent" George South, he made a comment about how few injured necks were being done in the 80's; and the proliferation of injuries to major joints and body parts in the modern sport. I am certain everyone involved is aware of the risks, but is there no middle ground? Does every match need to put the entertainer on the edge of extinction? I don't pretend to know the answers, but when a veteran speaks I think it makes sense for us all to sit up and take notice. A legacy of broken bodies is not one that any of us "smart marks" want to have in the future.

Home 2.0

      It occurs to me that the meaning of "home", while seemingly so simple, is quite profound. Is it merely having a humble abode? Knowing the streets of your city? Furnishing your living space? Finding a job of your own? A significant other? Is it finding the friendships that help you live life completely? I know people in all states of gathering these things and I must say.... For me, to have them all is to finally have.... Home. I  home.

If Not You, Then WHO?

     There are so many phrases and ideas that get handed out to us all day to day without much explanation or background. Things that become accepted to the point where they become cliches over time. Not all of these thoughts are without merit, if explored in a more complete manner that makes sense to us in the real world. 

     Live the life you imagined. Sounds so easy when you say it..... cliche as it may be. It's a Hollywood staple, right? There is some truth to it, as I have found. The key to living the life you imagine doesn't just deal in the life outside of you, but inside as well. (Like a Karate Kid speech....)

      The first thing I have found is that you have to be willing to keep your imagination grounded in reality. If you always wanted to wear a Mech suit with the Robotech Force, there isn't much you can do about accomplishing that dream. (Yet. I'm sure iMech is in the R&D phase as we speak) Another large part of the reality is focusing on what you can control. As one of my favorite sayings goes, "Paint the picture, then put yourseld in it." Once you can picture where you want to be, do what it takes to put yourself in that reality. Woo the girl. Move to Asia to become a Buddhist monk. Recognize what it is you want and do it.

     Which leads to step two. Material wants can be precise (I want a Maserati), but conceptual wants allow for a large degree of leeway (I want love - my vision right now id Jessica Alba, but other women can love me too. Right?) Limiting your want to a particular form limits you on how grand you can dream. I can find joy in so many places - friends, fun, possesions, youtube - and when my imagination was to find happiness, I found it in all it's forms and became the dream..... If I had only imagined the joys of strip clubs, how would I have ever fully appreciated The Best in the World (at What I Have No Idea). (Shout out from a bloging Jerocholic! Froot.) The point is, we as a society these days focus on only certain things to satiate our desires, but so many things can give us what we really need, if we are only willing to look.

     We have to know what we are really searching for. When I went in search of a wife, the initial idea was a desire to no longer be alone. Through more time of finding what it is I really wanted in life through the years, it wasn't that I just didn't want to be alone, it was that I wanted someone to play and share life with. Perception and the ultimate desire that drive our imagination need to be understood in order to complete the circle. If I had gone forward just "not wanting to be alone", I could have wound up with any number of unsatisfactory match ups that didn't fill my true void - to enjoy life with another. I could have gone into Ward Cleaver land and been sufficiently mentally nuetered and emotionally unfullfilled. Know what it is you truly want, and then go find ways to get it.

      It's not the depth of our imaginations that limit us; but the level of difficulty we saddle ourselves with and rules we use to excuse not doing the work to find our passion and purpose. Paint the picture....

Bipolar Paradise

     What an amazing weekend I just had in the land of sin, palm trees and artificial turf (a sin in its own right). Parading the strip and experiencing so many great things that "ordinary life" doesn't offer. If you have never been to Las Vegas- let me give you a verbal tour. 

     The first thing you notice about Vegas is the hotels. There are so many of them, but many are owned by the same conglomerates. Even so, each architectural truimph holds its own unique majesty from the outside. Once inside, they turn up the creative dial to offer you visually appealing and interesting decor that shows that no expense was spared in the creation of this as adult wonderland. Eveything you see - from the many lights to decoration pieces to the design of the clubs to the walkways through the casino is designed to titilate and awe you. Constant movement, constant variety, constant sound.

     The next thing you notice is the strip itself - everywhere you go there are speakers pumping a soundtrack for you - how peculiar. It's almost like the whole city is just an enormous club in the middle of the desert.

     It is.

     As you traverse the strip, you get the feeling that "sin city" is more like "vice city". (Not the game!) Smokers still wander around proudly puffing their way to cancer, people are wondering the streets with 60 oz liqour containers of their favorite libations - tripping and stumbling their way through the night (and days), more (and more horrible) food options than you can imagine, the occasional smell of 420 and the sex cards advertising all the "private dances" you can imagine. Did I mention there is also occasionally a gambling spot? Starting in the AIRPORT. This is a town built on satisfying your every desire (or FANTASY, as it were) within a few mile long stretch of buildings. You have the nightclubs (that may as well be raves) that you have seen on many movies and thought, "I want to be THERE." Strip clubs that dwarf your home by comparison. People who exist only to wait on you hand and foot as the actors in this mad debaucherous dynasty. Shows for every taste and variety. Heck, there's even an attraction that is just "old vegas" kept in tact with new Vegas out there; on the horizon. If one can go to Vegas and stay in their motel room; they either have a heroin addiction or the strength of Job. Also, they are costing themselves one of the greatest times of their life.

     Just do it, people. I love this place and can't wait to return!

Why DO They Teach Spanish in the Midwest?

         As an East Coast transplant, I marvel on a daily basis at my new community here in my (now) home, San Francisco. Virginia was home - comfortable, quaint, always "just what you would expect". Hurricane season comes every September; tourist season each summer; the trees, the beach, the rain. For years, I had fantisized about moving to the magical land that was California. Bright sun, beautiful people, Christmas in shorts. My mindset was a bit of an anamoly, as many on the east coast (and midwest) have this interpretation that "Cali" is a state of choatic sex fiends who party on into that grand disaster of the next great earthquake that sends us floating into the sea. Additional to the unicorns I had expected on my arrival, there are so many other things you can never explain and appreciate until you have had the luxury of living here. Things like:

The History

       Coming from Virginia (the birthplace of the American colonies), there is this feeling of nostalgia and an anachronistic spirit when passing by places like Williamsburg, Jamestown, Yorktown, Washington D.C. - so many of the places that people only have the opportunity to read about in textbooks growing up - are a part of the direct landscape. However, in San Francisco (home....), it offers amazing statements that define the timeline of this country. Haight-Ashbury. Alcatraz. The Golden Gate Bridge(!). Fillmore Street. Heck, a President even died here! (Harding, for those who didn't know. Who knew?) When looked at on a political scale, San Francisco is often looked at as the antagonistic "Queer Confederacy" by much of the nation, but I have seen so much more than that within the confines of it's marvelous buildings and high rises. Speaking of which.....

The People

        California is a place of great personal acceptance and freedom. Certainly, things like manners and personal exchanges are different out here than what I am used to from my roots. Where people out east knew everyone on their street and said "excuse me" in passing, people out here don't offer these comforts - due to a feeling of "we are all just moving along with our time together", not from a place of being rude. People of all sexual, ethnic, religous and personal persuasions find the laissez-faire attitude offered here to fit the needs of a burgeoning petri dish of creativity and self-discovery. Google. Yahoo. Facebook. There is very little "wrong" to be had here; it is more varying shades of grey. (Not the movie - that's in Seattle, I believe)

The Culture

        The incredible amount of variety in the people is equal parts breathtaking, mind blowing and intimidating. You cannot leave your house and venture out into the City without running across many different dialects, languages and styles of people in each interaction. I never missed my diverse collection of "neighbors" when I was growing up somewhere that was considerably more milquetoast and rigidly defined. Having now truly waded into the "melting pot" that Americans so often wear as our badge (and statement) of honor, I can tell you that being without these comforts last month was unusual and felt a bit like my days were missing something passive yet imperative. Learning just enough words to follow conversations in Spanish, French and maintaining my English is part of a greater whole - a grander version of myself.

      There is great comfort in living places where days all blend together - a sense of moving along without really having to consider what is to come next or what impact your presence might be able to create. I would never be able to convince a large majority of people in these places about how much more alive a place like California feels. If you are a person who (like me) seeks to grow as a person and be exhilarated by things you never knew were available - find your way to "the big city". It's never going to be easy, but no experience in this great nation of ours is a simply and profoundly moving as being in a place where the only sure thing is that there is always another option.

       California - Like this; but no guns. :(

Your Life Is the Definition of Insanity (If)

       It has steadily occured to me lately how many people "wish" (desire) something that is missing from their life. Be it a job, a loving relationship, a change in the people around them or even just a change in their circumstances; we live in a time where if we don't have the (perceived) American Dream (that many have bastardized and mocked), we are lacking. As people, we have not acheived on the same scale as others we know of or have seen in their mightiest light. It frustrates me because the power for many things rest on the shoulders of the individual, but many are looking for cosmic (divine?) intervention to set things right; for these dreamers are deserving of a better fate.

      In a time where many of our desires are possible and within our control with an internet connection and a modicum of desire: fame, art, love, jobs, sex changes, information (being turned into a newt is still not an option - but you could check with John Cleese) - so many of us are left wanting. Why?

      Many are not willing to truly do what it takes to gain their desire; even though it is within our grasp to do so.

      Let's take love, for example. I found myself talking to a young lady I have known for years when she mentioned how she wished she could find someone like I had found someone. She is also a national traveler, as our job allows for. I found my One on the road of work and life - why couldn't this young lady? I told her point blank, "Your man is out there, but he is not just going to be hanging out in your hotel room." She laughed, and the conversation continued on, but the key to everything was right there. In order to find what we want, we have to pursue it into uncomfortable situations, we have to want it bad enough to flex our current lifestyle, we have to make it a priority. Even those who seek something basic and fixed like contentment will have to be tested. Monks spend years training their minds to find "inner peace". (Not as long for us "Kung Fu Pandas") You can't just declare a desire for inner peace and passively back into Nirvana. Yet that is how we treat these things. I do not speak from a place of not knowing- I spent 13 years becrying my fate until the day I stood and changed. Even when bad things in life occur - when someone else's intent injures us, it is ultimately going to be up to us to find a way to let it go. Short of a lobotomy or medication; we posses the power internally (and the right universally) to choose another line of thought. It is never going to be easy. Yet wouldn't it be worth it to chase yourself into gleee rather than rest in horror? Another decision I had to make in my lifetime....

     The only way this idea doesn't succeed is when it is aimed at others who aren't willing or care to change. 

     "I wish he would notice me."

     "I want her to respect me."

     "I worry about his anger."

     "I want her to love me."

      This is not within our sphere of influence to change. We can ask, beg, ajole, jeer, whine, threaten - but this is where someone else's desires matter more than yours. If both of you care enough and can match them up; great! However, if this has become a desire, more than likely the attempt has been made and ignored. Not to say people don't change, certainly one can keep trying. However, you owe it to yourself (and the other person) to look realistically at what your asking and if they are capable. Or worth it. If you decide not, then you have to ask if you can change how you feel. If not, then another reposibility of being true to your self and your desire is not to pervert it to make it fit the construct you have before you - keep searching until you find someone who is worth it. If you want a companion who is funny, smart, attractive and a Gemini; then don't drop the first three criteria after the first Gemini you come across. It sounds silly, but we as a society do that all the time. 

       "My job would be great, except....."

       "He's everything I ever wanted, but....."

       "I really liked this car, until....."

       On the flip side, if you find someone who is funny smart and attractive; maybe you decide they are everything you want despite the fact they are a Virgo. (Go Virgo!) If you aren't that into Astrology, then that could be a winner. So many failures in our lives come from settling for things rather than continuing to pursue our dreams. Some times you have to settle - dreams ain't going to pay the bills. My libido doesn't just dissipate because it has no outlet. In these cases, take what you have before you (If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with!) but continue the search. Don't proclaim your undying love to a booty call. Don't go to college to learn the best way to run a fryalator. Do wht you must to reach where you dream. Evolve, and don't settle into the comfort zone of "better than nothing". Appreciate the gift of discomfort - you are a learning, living, logical human being striving for your own inner peace. Nirvana.

       Define your self. Then become it!

 

That Which Does Not Kill.....

       Today, I was given many reminders about how much we all tend to defend the things that matter to us and not allow them to be associated with what we deem "lesser" things - even when the parrallel is striking. It is well known that our emotions can tinge our perceptions, but it is still startling how much many of us are willing to sacrifice a logical parrallel for the sake of holding our ideal "above" things we don't particularly care for.

       The sad part goes back to a continual theme for me - that which can build can also destroy. These lines between two points could be used as a way to change our perceptions and gain a greater appreciation for the  "offending" ideal, but so often it is the trap door that we use to make the concept seem illegitimate. As a species, we have a disposition to create so many negative opinions about so many topics - but why? TO be like family and friends? Ego? An acceptance of our community standards with no thought of our own? Dismissing things out of hand is easy enough to do, but it plays a large part in why we are all so limited in our perceptions and stages of "becoming". I have learned in my time to choose another way - there are only a handful of things that I refuse to take any part in (outside of clearly dangerous ones) based on an opinion. Even my own opinion. Things I would never have imagined as a young man that I would take part in. I have learned to cook. I have learned to drink. I know how to do hair. I have danced! (Albeit not much. Try things; always be cognizant of your limitations. Blind confidence is a disaster looking for a place to happen.) I watch BBC shows (a definite coming of....... age?) If it does not hurt or offend, I do not see the reason to disavow myself of it. If for no other reason, the experience gives me another set of skills, ideas or moments I can reflect on, share or even fall in love with doing. I like to cook (For that special someone). I like doing hair. MOre importantly, I like trying to be the example to get others to open their minds and taste as many of the worlds pleasures (in action) as possible. One never knows what gifts the unknown holds for us....