Start by listening. Every day, a nation of spouses come home and tell the trails of their day; an interchange of release and discussion filling the air. However, on those really dark days, fight the urge to pontificate and just settle in and listen. In these moments, I find all I can say is "I love you," and "I don't know what to say but I understand." Nothing in this line of thought can heal, but in listening I hope to relieve the pressure in her heart and allow her to clear her mind. This is no small feat, especially for men. I'm not great at this, admittedly. My first instinct it to protect and correct the situation with advice. In doing so, I am not actively listening and causing her to think when she seeks to emote.
Recognize when you are not the answer. There are going to be certain times when our significant others need another voice, when we have said all that we can say on a topic. Furthermore, if our spouse has taken the time and energy to develop a deep, meaningful relationship, then that other person can offer our spouse additional insight that we may be too emotionally biased to conceptualize. I am in no way threatened by my wife seeking an additional opinion in her life's travels. I don't know everything about ANYTHING; even my wife. If I want to talk video games, I call my best friend. Why should her interests run any different?
Accept that others are not like you, but every one has common ideals on how they would like to be treated. I am an individual in a world of unique personalities, so how I think, feel or act in a given situation can be shared as my ideal, not fact. I cannot judge another persons actions through my viewfinder, as they have their own insights. However, when I choose my response to a given story, I can relate from how I would like to be treated when I am in a funk. Who doesn't like a kind word, a gentle hug (or a stiff drink!)? Can I really go wrong serving dinner and giving a massage? Sending a gentle text with inspirational quotes? Telling bad jokes? Who wouldn't appreciate that?
Learn when you've done enough, but (s)he just needs time and space. This goes with the first ideal, but it's on the back end of the experience. This is another one I am still working on improving, as I have a hard time watching those I love be unhappy. My wife and I have agreed that if she wants to head to another room for personal time, I will respect her wishes and not follow; in return, she will come back to me when she finds her "center" once more. There are things we all experience that are more than the typical annoyances, and there are moments when we need to vent, refocus on our happiness (alone) and then come back from the woods. A modern day "voyage quest" to work through our angst; as it were. I have had to learn that this isn't my love turning away from comfort, rather, she is breaking the thought cycle and "letting go". A distinction in my mindset, not a difference of action.
The commitment required to have a great relationship is the humility required to be a great partner. Doing for others is the ultimate panacea for helping our own ills - especially within a relationship. For those aspiring to love, be the person you would fall for. For those in love, don't lose the appreciation and wonder that love inhabits. Don't lose the fact that you have found a gift many search a lifetime for. Relationships can make us better people, in a healthy, loving environment. If given the opportunity to grow, everything one could ask may be found within the confines of a loving marriage. "For Worse" is remembering to be half of a whole...
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