Not quite suffocating
But leaving me apathetic.
Unable to pursue passions
Not wanting to accomplish.
What awaits seems uncertain,
Unclear what it carries.
My sole focus darkens
Caged in the eternal now
Filtered from the future
Paralyzed in the present
Hated by history
Mourning my memories.
I call out through mental mud
Voice painting the horizon
With my unbridled agony.
No hope of a distant ear
Only a cathartic
Cry of constant contrition.
Enveloped by fixation
A barrage of flashbacks
Pummels my resilience
Searing my conscience
And robbing me of my
Willing self preservation.
Nowhere to hide in the mind
My enemy, my self
With no hope it will cease
And no way to shield me;
I crumple to a wary knee
Battered, exhausted, hurting;
Yet unbroken; angry.
I am sure I have better
If my drive returns
There is so much that
I could accomplish.
When the restraints tie you down
From within your base of hope
And the mind that gives strength
Turns on you to wreck you;
Riding the storm out
Is the best you can hope
To get another chance
To be fully alive.
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