Fascination or Fixation?

     Thing as of late are a little hectic, and I am hoping to get back on pace with my blogging this week. I hope everyone else had as wonderful a holiday as I did -maybe not complete with the circus, but to each his own. My sis has returned to her current place of residence; but a new excitement is peeking over the horizon...... The Boy is coming. "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." they say. In this particular facet I would agree.

     I could do without the Christmas songs, however.

     The wife and I have been watching an incredible anime on Netflix called "Death Note". After hearing about it in the nerd circles I have run for years, I finally have had a chance to watch it and: wow. It's a fascinating story and an even more fascinating concept tackling the human condition and ethics. (Ironically, my school work this week also covered ethics and morality. Coincidence???? Probably.) While there are certainly some Deus Ex Machina moments, it is a gripping tale with deep resonations. We are less than halfway through, and we are both totally enthralled. It's amazing how many animes she and I have watched that have that effect; leading you into your next day thinking and sharing with others about this amazing find. Not to have a nerdgasm here, but anime seems so much better written than many movies that actually are written and produced in Hollywood anymore. Much like comics, I think the fact that they are illustration distracts people from the parables, prose and performance of these majestic pieces. Or maybe it's just the glimpse into foreign mythologies. Whatever it is; I like it!

      The fixation (such that it is) is my work world. The continuation of the end.... where I have so much to offer and to do but don't have the security of knowing when "the end" is near. I think about it all throughout my day: "What is this going to do for me?"; "Will this help the company in the long run?" and ultimately, "Am I leaving this practice in a better place; regardless of my eventual outcome?" It's like being caught between so many levels: What's right vs. What is it worth; Helping those I have grown to like vs. Getting all I can; Not falling into bad habits vs. Lethargy. I don't win the battle every day; but I am trying to stay motivated - to be respectful of the opportunity and be able to look at myself and know that I have done what I was capable of. It's not comfortable living in limbo; but I suppose with my life I could say I have more experience at it than most.

     Throughout it all, I am staying true to my school (work). It is my life mission over the next few years; that one piece of the "required" pie that so many jobs call for. How sad; a document to show I can learn but a lifetime that does not? Everyone talks about conspiracies in life - maybe the shift in the job force came from a College Illumanati? Or people who sell graduation robes? No matter; wisdom is realizing when something else needs to be done for success/ happiness/ inner peace. I will rail against society and it's unending smorgasboard of rules for the remainder of my life; but I too have "bought in" to give my wife and myself a better chance at a life filled with Italy, Coach, Netflix and shenanigans. You can fight the system from the inside - because even though I am using the tools the system calls for; I have not (and will not) change myself or sell my soul. My soul is my window to myself; the degrees and job titles and collared shirts are merely the window dressing that can at times interfere with the view...