A View from the Podium

     "Our quest for love springs from a yearning for wholeness.  Wholeness is achieved when we begin to care for another's self-interest as we would our own.  We cannot expect to find this wholeness if we blindly trudge through one romantic entanglement after another, seeking only self gratification.  A whole person is one who discovers his or her highest, most sacred self on the way toward finding another.  A whole person is also one who can share his or her life totally with someone else, knowing that it means a much greater life than he or she could ever have alone."

                                                                                                     - Harville Hendrix

     

     For so long, so many of us continue to try on new ideas and new beliefs and new relationships and new careers in the hope of a perfect fit. Mating seems to be the one we so often move along with - for reasons I have chronicled before. There does come a moment though; a moment where we finally see what really matters and how shallow and unfitting it is to treat things in life arbitrarily - especially relationships. For so long I had idealized that all relationships came with pitfalls and pleasure - you could interchange the woman but the outline was generally the same.

     Now that SHE has arrived; no other is even remotely similar enough to utter in the same breath.

     Today's thoughts aren't another ode to my Hummingbird; however. Today I found great joy (and great hope) in the conversations I had with two friends of mine. One is married; the other a long time committed to his woman.... but both had been serial philanderers for years now. This isn't a judgement (as I too have sinned); just a statement on where they have come from. Both lead lives that allow them to "indulge" their habit without fear of reprisal - and they have indulged it well. In another life; when my misery was palpable and my morals selfish - these men and I would share many moments of discussing our conquests - we were beating the system by getting what we wanted from as many outlets as possible. There's a shared bond in being self determined...

     Once I began my current relationship; that all changed for me. I would speak of the wonders I had found.... She, my miracle. When they asked me how I could speak of these things and how different I seemed - I tried to show them that it was not me that had changed - I had just at long last found a love that was worth having - a person who I held in the same regard as my self. I never preached for them to turn from the "dark"; only encouraged them to look at what they had and see if they truly needed anything else. Their paths remained the same; but our talks slowly turned to how they wanted what I had too...

      I spoke to each of those men individually today. They have come to believe that everything they need - they had all along. I am proud of these men - and if in any small way I was able to help them in appreciating what they had before it was gone - I am honored. The reality is - Guys, if you treat her as irreplaceable; most women WILL work to live up to that. Ladies, if you show him he IS your everything - that you DO need him; most MEN will live up to that standard and be there for you. This isn't to say every person is going to be your fit - but when you finally find the one who matters - don't treat them like all of the rest. Give them the respect of being worth giving you what you want.